Desperate Housewives
You'll Never Get Away From Me

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You'll Never Get Away From Me

Bree, Andrew, and Danielle are eating dinner. Bree is sitting at the head of the table, her ass is perched at the very edge of her seat with her back ramrod straight. On another character, I'd say this represents tension, but I think this is how Bree always eats. Andrew and Danielle are sitting along one side of the table, somewhat weirdly: most threesomes would choose to face each other. Maybe they're just not in a chatty mood? Or maybe they're still in their configuration from Rex days? Though even then, the all-along-one-side thing doesn't make much sense. In any case, the Van de Kamps are lined up like the judges at Paula Abdul's stirring "Cold-Hearted Snake" performance. Bree takes a deep breath, clasps her hands together as though in prayer, and breaks the silence: "At the risk of ruining a lovely evening, I have some unpleasant news: the police dug up your father today!" (Continuity oops, as pointed out on the ever-vigilant boards: when last we saw Phyllis, she was coming down to get coffee the morning after they discovered Rex's body was missing, therefore the body couldn't have been exhumed "today.") Andrew: "What?" Danielle: "Why?" Bree explains that the police don't believe that Rex had a heart attack; they think someone was poisoning him. Danielle wonders who would have done such a thing. Suddenly cavalier, Bree laughs, says, "Well apparently I'm a suspect!" She takes a swig of wine. Both Andrew and Danielle give her a look, and she nervously explains that they always look at spouses -- something about statistics. It's just a formality; she'll be cleared in no time. Her children keep looking at her, silently judging. Bree: "Will you two please stop looking at me like that? Obviously, I did not kill your father; I loved him deeply!" Danielle reminds Bree that she and Rex did have a lot of problems, and that everyone knew it. Bree agrees that they had issues, but still insists that she would have never hurt him. Danielle: "What about the night daddy had a second heart attack? You must have loved him a lot to make the bed before taking him to the hospital." Oooh! I'm glad that little item is coming to light, because truly that was a chilling thing -- Breebot smoothing the bedspread as a dying Rex waited for her out on the stairway. ["I saw Marc Cherry on Ellen a few weeks ago, and he said that was based on something his own mother did when his father had a heart attack -- which I'm sure Mrs. Cherry is thrilled the world now knows about her." -- Wing Chun] Bree: "I was in shock, Danielle; you know that." Bree asks if Andrew thinks she murdered Rex, and Andrew tells her that he knows she didn't: "You're not capable of murder." Bree thanks him for saying so. Andrew: "That wasn't a compliment. It takes guts to kill somebody." Well, he would know, having run down Mama Solis himself, but I'm not sure why he's so sure Bree doesn't have the stomach for killing: she had no problem methodically covering up Andrew's killing ways.

Susan is at Betty's house, plinking away at the piano and looking very pleased with herself. Susan thanks Betty so much for changing her mind about the lessons. Betty, in turn, apologizes for possibly seeming rude before. "I was having a bad day," she says, and the way she says it is almost like a question, like surely no one will believe this excuse? Susan blithely plays on, and Betty murmurs some encouragements, but advises Susan to let up on the pedaling. Susan thinks that the pedal makes her playing seem dramatic. Betty: "It doesn't." Susan keeps playing, then small-talks: "Boy, your son really likes to play his hip-hop music loud." Betty: "The good news is that it drowns out the...dryer." And, again, the way she says "dryer" is so totally "who the hell would believe this?" that it's funny. Downstairs, Matthew is flanked by a beatbox that is blasting, I believe, the song from the white-girl-learns-to-dance montage of Shall We Dance. But Matthew is not even listening to this hip-hop, what with the earplugs he's wearing. Rather, he is drilling in additional layers of security into the door to Basement Buddy's lair.

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Desperate Housewives

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