Desperate Housewives
You'll Never Get Away From Me

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You'll Never Get Away From Me

Julie is at Edie's house, and the two ladies are practicing their Christian jamboree number. Julie has a pitch pipe, and also a really nice singing voice! Really, it's one of those voices that makes the person who owns it seem instantly more attractive (though I do think they're also doing something new and nice to Julie's hair this season). Edie's couch is very "Z Gallerie," all velvety and purple. Also: I guess they finally finished with the construction on her house? Julie comes to the end of the song, and Susan breezes into the room, clapping for Julie's performance. Edie's face goes from bright smile to furrowed frown in .0002 seconds. Susan apologizes for letting herself in; she knocked, but apparently they didn't hear her? Edie: "No, we heard you, we were just hoping that whoever was would go away...I'm still hoping that'll happen." Julie, trying to steer the conversation away from the bickering, jumps in: "What's up?" Susan has good news! She's been taking piano lessons with Betty Applesmite, and she thought that maybe the Julie-and-Edie duo could make room for a third: "Doesn't that sound fun?" Fun? The last time Susan saw Edie, she ran over her tibia: I don't think they're quite at the "fun" stage. Edie says she doesn't do trios, but shoots Susan a nice, bright "Thanks anyway!"

Well, Susan doesn't "mean to be technical," but the show is supposed to be a "family thing," and as much as Susan hates to say it, Edie is not family. Susan? You are the worst. Even if your maternal instinct lets you down, as yours so clearly has, there are books about how to make the complications of divorce as easy as possible on the children. And the methodology does not involve pitting your kid against the new girlfriend. Edie admits that she is not family, but she has talent, "and to most audiences, talent trumps family." Why is it, Susan wonders, that Edie assumes Susan doesn't have talent? Edie does a little "I-dunno" sort of hum, and says it's "just a hunch." Dismayed, Julie watches on as the two cats sharpening their claws. Susan: "Yeah, well, we've all seen your talent," she leans in closer to Edie and hisses, "which is a nice way of telling you why don't you put some curtains on your bedroom window!" Julie tries to interrupt, but Edie swings back: "Come on, be honest: you didn't want any part of this until you found out I was involved." Susan denies it! Edie takes another jab, saying it just burns Susan that Julie picked Edie over her! Susan yells that Julie didn't "pick" Edie; it just never occurred to her daughter that she could ask Susan. Susan: "Well, now she knows. And if she had it to do over, she'd pick me!" Edie is pretty sure Julie wouldn't. Susan: "Well, why don't we put it a the test. Julie? Who would you rather have play with you?" Oh, SUSAN. Julie: "Oh, no. No, no, no." Susan says it's okay, Julie just has to say who she would want with her in the family talent show. Edie: "Yes! Who do you want with you in front of allll of those people? And remember, it's a church! They are going to be judging you." Ha ha. Julie looks at the two women, totally aghast. Julie: "First of all, you both suck." Yes! But if she had to choose (and really, I don't think she has to: her voice is great -- good enough to avoid this whole shitstorm and go a capella), she guesses she would pick her mother. Julie apologizes to Edie, who says, "Fair enough," but then demands that Julie return her pitch pipe.

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Desperate Housewives

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