Desperate Housewives
You'll Never Get Away From Me

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You'll Never Get Away From Me

Gabby comes out to get her mail, and there is Gardener John, all: "It was you!" Apparently, someone witnessed an Aston Martin driving away from the scene of the rosebush job. Gabby: "Well, someone had to tend to the yard. You were busy elsewhere." Gardener John: "You saw us?" Yes, Gabby saw them! And she's disgusted: that other woman is old enough to be Gardener John's mother -- old enough to be Gabby's mother, even! GJ says that "Joan is only forty-one!" The fact that GJ uses the woman's first name sends Gabby into new fits of ire. GJ defends his use of the "Joan" word because the woman is his friend. Gabby doesn't think GJ would do what she saw him doing to that "wrinkly old lady" to someone he considers just a friend, nuh uh! GJ wonders what the big deal is. Gabby: "You're supposed to be in love with me!" Oh, Gabby, this is sad. And she doesn't stop there: "How many times did you say it, how many times did you whisper it in my ear, 'you're the only woman I'll ever love'?" GJ isn't sure how many times he said it, but he concedes that it's certainly "a bunch." So what, Gabby wonders; was GJ lying to her? Just to get her in bed? GJ says of course that isn't why he said those things, but that they broke up! (Too true.) Gabby: "Yeah, like FIVE MINUTES AGO! Haven't you ever heard of a mourning period?" Hasn't Gabby ever heard of rebound sex? Or the libido of teenaged boys? GJ knows it may seem rather sudden, the rapidity with which he has moved on, but that he actually has feelings for this woman: "In fact, I think I may be in love with her." Gabby grabs her stomach. GJ worriedly asks if it's the baby, which is exactly what I thought, too: "Oh my god, it's a miscarriage," I yelled at the screen. But no. Gabby: "Oh no, no, no, it's me. I am beyond stupid." GJ tries to soothe her by denying that she is stupid, but Gabby insists: "Yesterday I was still fantasizing that it could work with you -- that a one-bedroom apartment might be cozy." GJ: "Mrs. Solis, please!" Gabby: "Oh my god. I almost left my husband for someone who calls me 'Mrs. Solis'!" Yeah, even Joan gets a first name. GJ sits down next to Gabby on the porch and struggles to figure out what Gabby's driving at: "Are you upset because you want to get back together? Because I can break up with Joan..." Ha! Joan, who three seconds ago GJ was maybe in love with? Gabby: "That's okay, sweetie, I'm good." GJ gets up and says, "So this is it for us? Because I really feel like we should end it better than this." Gabby: "Actually, given how stupid both of us have been? This is an entirely appropriate ending." GJ leaves, and Gabby sighs sadly as she watches Dear John go.

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Desperate Housewives

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