Desperate Housewives
Your Fault

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Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
Your Fault

I can't believe MAVO has more to say, but she does. Now she's yapping about responsible people yada yada yada mistakes in their pasts blah blah blah. At Casa House Arrest, Carlos reads a magazine while Gabrielle swans around eating peanut butter with a spoon. She glances out the window and sees Miguel's parents -- Helen and the guy who was Milos the Tennis Pro on Seinfeld -- coming up the walk. She yelps that she's going to go get the mail and scampers outside -- all of Gabrielle's plots involve her scampering outside to cover something up, if you haven't noticed -- and drags them into a corner of her lawn that Carlos can't see from the sofa. After some awkward pleasantries, they explain that they need to talk to her about Miguel. Gabrielle stammers that she hasn't talked to him in ages: "It's over, I swear." But they want her to do them a favor. See, Miguel is turning down his college scholarships to expand his gardening business. "Why?" Gabrielle asks. Helen brats that they don't know why: "If we knew why, we wouldn't be talking to you." Milos rolls his eyes and says that Gabrielle has to forgive Helen's rudeness. "She's still not over the whole...." he begins. "Statutory rape thing," Helen finishes. Anyhoo, they want Gabrielle to talk Miguel into going to college. OR ELSE. "So nice to meet you," Milos perks, as they leave.

Casa Hatred. Lynette is on a ladder in the front yard, trying to talk Percale off the roof. I don't know why she isn't inside the house, talking him back in through the window behind him, as I assume that's how he got onto the roof in the first place, but I suspect it's because she is a huge martyr who loves to make a spectacle of how hard she has it all the time. Mid-plea, the boys' grandpa -- in the shape of Ryan O'Neal -- arrives with Gay Matt. The children on the ground all hug him as Lynette comes down the ladder. Gay Matt takes in stride the fact that Polemic is on the roof, and wonders if he can look around for their Frisbee while he's up there. Lynette can't even chuckle at this because no one understands how terrible her life is, please God, won't someone give her a medal? She just hugs Ryan O'Neal and says what a shame it is that "Alison" couldn't make it. Wait, hold the phone. I know there's a good "Alison Parker of Melrose Place" joke in there somewhere, but I just can't work it so that she could possibly be old enough to be Gay Matt's mother, although God knows, being an alcoholic, getting stalked, being molested, dating a sex addict, working for Amanda Woodward, and marrying an old man named Hailey whose daughter is married to your former roommate/fiancé, and who eventually drowns in your apartment building's pool would age you. Ryan O'Neal suggests that Pitchfork come on down and greet him, but Lynette explains that he's too scared to climb down. Ryan O'Neal asks if he can give it a shot and Lynette shrugs, and so Ryan O'Neal climbs up there and says he has an important and character-defining question for Plasma: "Only a little girl would be afraid to come down the ladder. Now, you're not a little girl, are you? I'm not looking at a little girly girl, am I?" he asks.

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Desperate Housewives




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