Desperate Housewives
Your Fault

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Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
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Your Fault

On the ground, Lynette looks peeved, and, look, I get where she's coming from, but sister, pick your battles. My high-school history teacher once told us a story about how her in-laws refused to accept the fact that she didn't take her husband's -- their son's -- last name, and so they sent everything to them addressed Mr. and Mrs. SoandSo, and she actually crossed out the names and sent all the mail back, because there was no Mrs. SoandSo at that address. Even at fourteen, I thought this was absurdly passive-aggressive. Sure, that was ANNOYING and close-minded and old-fashioned and irritating and rude of her in-laws, but you are NEVER going to win THAT BATTLE, and life is too short to get all worked up about it. Roll your eyes and complain to your husband, and then let it go. They're old. That wasn't a victory for feminism, it was an exercise in passive-aggression. So my point is, Lynette, you are not going to change Ryan O'Neal's attitude, so just teach your kids how girls and boys are just the same through your own behavior and be grateful that the old guy got the kid off the roof. And this is why, when Gay Matt asks how Ryan O'Neal got Panorama down, and Lynette crabs, "Sexism," it's not funny so much as it is a further example of how cranky and irritating she is. However I doubt that, at this point, I will ever say, "right on!" to anything Lynette says -- even if I agree, because, hello, of course I am anti-sexism -- because I want to punch her in the face so much. She is so the Dawson of this show. I don't know how I didn't see it before. She believes that everything everyone does has to do with her and is designed specifically to annoy her, or to defeat her, or to defy her. She has no sense of humor. She's bossy. She has terrible hair. She wears XXL shirts and ugly chokers. She is Dawson Leery, in the body of a suburban housewife. And it is my mission to destroy her.

It's time for the KimberBree and Rex portion of the hour, which can never come soon enough for me. They're sitting with their respective teams of lawyers, discussing their division of assets. KimberBree's hair looks totally amazing. The lawyers would like to start with the country club membership. Rex interrupts, and asks KimberBree what they're doing here. He doesn't want this!: "I thought I did, but I don't." He wants to talk this over before it's too late. "What do you say, [KimberBree], should we send the vultures home?" he pleads. The vultures all give him dirty looks. After a long silence, KimberBree says, "I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis." Yes and the lessons didn't help. "And he hates buffets." Heh. Rex's face falls. KimberBree sort of gulps.

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Desperate Housewives

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