Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B+ | 1276 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Ah, But Underneath

Over to the Mary Alice homestead, where the pool has been totally dug up. MAVO: Her friends were right to be concerned. Well, no kidding, MAVO. You blew your brains out. There was probably something wrong. "They knew that every family has its secrets, and as my son and husband could have told them, you need to think carefully before digging them up." Do you get it? Because the pool? All dug up? Digging? Do you see? Okay. Speaking of digging, Paul, Mr. Mary Alice, drags what looks like a child's toy chest into his shed (and I believe those who watch [or appeared on] Passions, including Miguel, will never forget the shed) and looks shiftily at it.

The girls leave whomever's house (KimberBree's? I can't tell these things yet. Susan's? Your mom's? I don't know), as MAVO explains that they still hadn't decided what to do with The Note. Yes, I was sitting right here for that scene. Thanks, though. "They decided to talk about it in the morning after a good night's rest. But no one could fall asleep that night."

Cut to a montage of the ladies lying awake in their respective beds and clad in their respective jammies. MAVO: "They each kept thinking of my suicide and how terribly alone I must have felt." And yet each of them is also alone in bed, you see? Oh, the irony. We all must clearly live while we are alive! Live, damn it! Live!

KimberBree lies in her bed in white cotton nightgown and makes thoughtful faces. MAVO: "You see, loneliness was something my friends understood all too well." Yes. We got that when we saw them all in their beds alone. Does Mary Alice think she's narrating a show for the blind? Anyway, KimberBree goes downstairs to talk to Rex, Mr. KimberBree, who is pretending to sleep on the sofa bed. She smiles pertly at him and takes a seat. "I have a question for you. Do you remember when you proposed?" she asks. "For God's sake," Rex exhales, and sits up. "We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine, and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, 'If you marry me, [KimberBree] Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life.' And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant and even though my father didn't like you, I said yes," KimberBree says. Rex sighs that that was a long time ago. You know, before she tried to kill him with salad. KimberBree informs him that they're canceling the divorce lawyer and getting a marriage counselor instead. "[KimberBree]!" Rex yelps. "You promised," she says, looking at him almost vulnerably. And he nods. "All right," he says. That settled, KimberBree gets up to make herself some warm milk. "Would you like something to drink?" she asks. "Anything but apple wine," he says under his breath, and gets up to follow her. Far be it from me to espouse the You Need To Get Laid School of Thought, but I think Rex would be more amenable to your concerns, KimberBree, if you offered him a blow job instead of a glass of milk. Kimberly Shaw would have known that. And, memo to Rex: if you're so unhappy, maybe you should move out. Just a thought.

Desperate Housewives

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