Episode Report Card
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Gay In The Water

While they're all talking, Mandy disappears. Which is awful editing because it doesn't look one bit convincing. Lois and Clark bicker about who let her go. Why isn't Clark's super-hearing or X-ray vision working here? Lazy, lazy, lazy writing in this scene. Mandy walks back in. Funky music continues to play. Mandy makes a threat. Lois asks if she's going to cheer them to death. Three football players walk in. "Here comes the love squad," Lois says needlessly. The three players line up, one of them with a baseball bat. The girls hide behind Clark. For some reason, the players move to leave access to the door open. Seriously, this is one of the worst-edited scenes in show history. It just doesn't flow or work at all. Lois stays behind as Clark and Chloe just walk out. Lois yells, "Hi-yah!" and kicks a dude in the stomach. He falls on the other two guys. Clark comes back and asks, "What are you doing?" Lois asks if Clark has any explosions up his sleeve. She glances up at a "Hot! Caution!" pipe. "You're gonna pay, bitch," one of the players says. Clark looks up and eyejaculates at the hot pipe right in front of everyone. No one even notices. Stupid people. The pipe bursts sending hot, searing water all over everybody, which really should kill them. But it's TV. It just dazes them like weak gas. "What the hell was that?" Lois asks. Clark says the pipe must have just burst. "Pretty lucky, huh?" he asks. Lame. LAME! Weak! Lois says Clark better hope for that kind of luck on the field tomorrow. Clark looks annoyed. Not as annoyed as I feel, Clark.

Commercials. I'm still pissed off. Not even skinny Jared can cheer me up.

Stately Luthor Manor at night. A houseboy in a Kato outfit leads Clark into Lex's research room. Lex says he couldn't believe it when he heard Clark was here. Lex wanted to show Lex that the investigation was officially over. It's the former "I Luv Clark" room. On the table is a hunk of twisted metal. Lex says it's the Porsche that he was rescued from. "Why is it still here?" Clark asks. Lex says it's to remind himself of what he almost lost. "It's over, Clark. It really is," he says. Lex wants to give the friendship another shot. Clark considers. He nods. Clark asks, in the spirit of friendship, if Lex can help him with a problem. Lex says, "Absolutely." Clark says it's a "Who." Do him. Do him now! Because it's the Gayest Look of the Episode! Actually it's Lois Lane, but my brain didn't even hear that. Or care.

Locker room. Clark is in his uniform. Jason comes over and apologizes for kicking Clark's ass. Clark says it's fine. Jason says he'll understand if Clark wants to tell the school what happened. Clark says Jason wasn't himself. He's glad it wore off. Jason encourages Clark and says the guys are finally behind Clark. It happens at 3:45 every Wednesday; you have to take a number and arrive early for a good spot. Clark asks who the girlfriend was that Jason mentioned when he was whalin' on him. Jason lies that he has no idea. Clark may be thinking, but it's hard to tell.

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