Dexter
Dexter

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1420 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Would You Have A Drink With You?

Dexter puts on his person-killing gloves and cuts Leo's ziptie, the better to shove and pull and yank his prey out into the swamp. The same swamp where Shawn Hatosy kept all his barrels of ladies. Dexter's deadman voice is all, "Look at these dead ladies. Listen closely. This is what happened to the girls before you, this is what was going to happen to you. Every one of these barrels has a body in it. Boyd preserved them in formaldehyde. So he could come and visit, do you understand? I saved your life."

Leo is like, "Um, or you killed all these girls and we're still in your movie where this is part of freaking me out." Dexter totally goes, " It's a leap of faith. For both of us!" Which is embarrassing, and so symptomatic of why this show is at best "lovably dim," that I don't want to go there any more than I have to, but come the fuck on. We are not idiots. "My wife was murdered. Brutally. By someone like Boyd. I don't want to see any more innocent people die." Technically true. Then he hands Leo a knife.

Then, duh, Leo stabs him. Good one. Dex is like, "That sucked! Are you done?" Leo's like, "Yeah, thanks for letting me stab you." Then Leo has a fifty-minute breakdown in the middle of the nasty swamp and Dexter tries to remember what a hug is, and then they are friends. Not total friends, but his point is made. It was a stabbing of faith. For both of us.

Fresh off being humiliated by the wormy little blonde douche from IA, LaGuerta now has to deal with Quinn violating some basic no-no stuff like safehouse protocol and not pissing off the FBI. And how come again? Oh, that's right, the totally insane-looking collage Quinn assembled from various crude drawings that looks like somebody who might look like Dexter Morgan. Or Tracy Morgan. Or Morgan Fairchild, or Buster Poindexter, or Randy Quaid's wife. You want crazy? God knows what other crafting projects Quinn gets into when he's alone.

LaGuerta screeeeeams at Quinn for infinnnnnnity and it is soooo satisfying, just the sound of it, the rhythm and the cadence, that you can almost forget this is mostly about blowjobs and not really about protecting Dexter from Quinn's stupid Doakesy obsessions that much, but whatever: He is suspended, without pay. Quinn's like, "Really?" And I do think that's harsh, because at least we got to see Jonah without having to sit through the emotional chemotherapy that is Secret Life Of The American Teenager.

Dexter

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