Beauty and the Beast

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 1 USERS: F
Would You Have A Drink With You?

Deb comes into the living room and if you're wondering how much sleep she's had since we saw her last, let me just quell that suspense for you right away: The sleep situation with Deb is not great. She has not gotten the rest that most adults require, of late. Harrison did not allow her to sleep and so she didn't sleep. To repeat: Deb Morgan is still in need of approximately forty winks. I'll continue to let you know as this situation develops.

Deb sits on a toy and then grumps at Dexter about nothing really. About how her life has gone to shit ever since, you know, her brother's wife was brutally murdered and his two shitty children went to live at Disneyland. Now there's all this clutter. As though he is doing her a favor, Dexter grabs the baby and runs out the door so that he can stalk Leonardo DiCaprio and test out this whole baby > doughnut hypothesis again.

How do you spell the urchin's name, the motel lady wants to know. "L-E-E-L-E-E S-O-B-L-E-E-B-L-E-E." Okay, Leonardo prepaid for two weeks but now has been disappeared for a month, probably off stealing information from somebody's dream with the help of a small Canadian lesbian, or realizing his own dream of combining hip-hop and classical dance. Maybe he's on a road trip with Greg Kinnear and Jack Nicholson. Whatever the reason, motel lady has sent it to collections but somehow has the magical power to unsend it to collections if Dexter hands her some cash. She smokes an entire cigarette in the baby's face, gives the baby a cigarette and lights it for him because his chubby baby fingers lack the dexterity to use the lighter, turns on some porn for the baby, and finally Dexter's counted out all the money and gets the hell out of there with Leo's luggage.

Inside the stuff there's a letter to Leo from his mother, Maggie Seaver, as follows: "I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but it's not. I understand why you felt you had to leave. And believe me, you have nothing to be ashamed of. And as for your father, I know he said things he regrets, even though he'll never admit it. We miss you. We love you. Take all the time you need, but then please come home. It's not a family without you."

See, who knows what that's about. In the fairytale, the dad sold her to the monster to save his own ass. So maybe mom just doesn't know that? Or the title of this episode isn't really as interesting as it seems. Leo reads the letter when he wakes up -- Dex brought all the luggage, unseen, like a midnight dancing candelabra -- and weeps and weeps. But, despite having plenty of clothes right there, Leo still refuses to change out of the stanky shirt he's been wearing as a dress since this nightmare began.

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