Beauty and the Beast

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A | 6 USERS: A-
Would You Have A Drink With You?

Angel tells the IA guy, McCourt, about his visit to see Sgt. Lopez, and that it's all "jake." McCourt tells him that it doesn't matter if Lopez is jake, nobody is jake, because they've decided to make a big fucking deal about this for no reason. I think by "they" he means himself, because clear the way for some major sketchiness in a minute. So LaGuerta comes and chases Angel off right before he starts chewing the guy's throat out for continuing to be a dick about it, and LaGuerta spirits McCourt off for a little chat and some coffee and some... Major sexual harassment.

LaGuerta does her "I'm leveling with you" face and tells him that this whole thing is stupid and that she wants it to go away. And instead of rolling over like they usually do, McCourt's like, "I think the most important part of all of this is: Do you really give the best blowjob in Miami?"

Angel watches them through the window of LaGuerta's office -- which, like a third of this show is just shit happening on one side or the other of that window, have you ever noticed that? -- but since the next thing that happens isn't LaGuerta shooting McCourt in the eye about one hundred times, I'm guessing she is going to work this another way. I don't really think Jimmy Smits's behavior was called for, a lot of the time? But I would sure enough give him that dude's address.

What a fucking nasty, freaky, scary thing to do to a person. Why is IA always corrupt? Is it that way in real life? I can't handle it. The whole point of cops is that they're better than us, and it's rarely true but it's nice to think about. It sits on my brain-shelf next to pretending that Superman is real and Hal Jordan is an actual guy. But then IA is like, the next level up: They're supposed to save you from people like this blowjob guy. And if they're not going to do that, then where do you from there? All the way up to the Pope, and he's like, "My bad." It makes me feel kicking things-crazy, shit like this, because you can't have an IA for IA, but always on TV that's how it goes. Maybe because it's the scariest thing they can think of? It literally is the worst thing I can think of.

Angel is distracted from watching his wife be demoralized because of him long enough to hear the good news that Dexter's butt has given them some firm results: The tiparillo smoker is a Carlos Fuentes, who lives with his brother Marco at some address, which is totally how those machete murders appeared all along: Just like two brothers, who live together at the same address. Literally, Deb says: "Two of them! Does that sound like what we've been looking for, or does that sound like what we've been looking for?" It sounds like... An integer. Sleep did not help Deb's dialogue at all. This whole episode she's talked like some kind of internet trolltard that doesn't feel like they're being heard in real life so they overstate everything on the internet to make it more intense and so she doesn't just dislike a film but "hates it with the fire of a thousand nuns." ("More like Barnum & Bailey!") The worst characteristic in a person. They head out to catch Carols and Marco, and Deb wonders where Quinn is, but not that much.

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