Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Dex 'n' Doakes 'n' Doakes 'n' Dex, parlez-vous?

Now we're in court, where Dexter is on the stand introducing himself as a blood-spatter analyst, which he's apparently been doing for almost twelve years. He's been involved in 2,103 different cases. Damn, that's a lot! The lawyer who's questioning him smarmily says, "Give or take." "No. 2,103." Heh, he's awesome. "So, it's safe to say that blood is your life?" "Safe to say."

After this strained exchange, Dexter is in the hallway of the courthouse, where he VOs that he loves to come to court to "rub shoulders with the good people of The Sunshine State. At the courthouse, everyone is on their best behavior, like they're being watched." He stops and looks at a well-dressed family who are all huddled together mournfully. As he observes the father, mother, and daughter embraces, he remarks, "Some people would look at this family and see only tragedy and heartbreak, but I see so much more than that." Let me guess. You see opportunity? "I see opportunity." Jackpot! Dexter follows the father into another courtroom, where, it turns out, a man is on trial for having hit and killed the father's son in an apparent drunk-driving accident. The boy was taking out the trash when he got sideswiped by Mr. Chambers, our defendant, who fled the scene and left the boy helpless and dying. The lawyer shows a brief birthday clip of the decedent on his last birthday getting a sweater, and even though he's not thrilled about it because he lives in Miami, the dad mentions that he'll need it next year up at Harvard. Ah, I see. We return to present-day Dad, pale and crying, his eyes sunken in, as he gets up to leave. Dexter: "I see their pain. On some level I even understand their pain. I just can't feel their pain." Yeah, it's all about you, Dexter. Jesus.

Now, Dexter's following Matt Chambers. "It's just a matter of time until we find out how far Matt Chambers's crocodile tears will get him." Why do I have a feeling that the Miami-Dade court system will fail the poor, grieving family? Why do I have a feeling our dear Mr. Chambers is going to be tasting plastic wrap in the not-so-distant future? We'll come back to him later, I imagine, because Dexter's grabbing a banana and heading to...

...a crime scene! Woo hoo! It seems some dude decided to end things by hurling himself off of a highway overpass onto some unforgiving concrete down below. Morangel and Lagrossa are both there, talking about the dead guy's ID. Lagrossa greets Dexter with an intensely and inappropriately sexual stare, which Dexter notices. "I thought I was creepy." Word to that. After freeing himself from her glare, Dexter observes that the blood spatter is consistent with a 50-foot drop, but that one side of the highway is only about 40 feet above, so the point of origin must be the "westbound causeway." LaGuerta is off, hollering to get a team up there. Dexter notices something in the dead guy's mouth, which he reaches for with tweezers when the guy coughs up blood in his face. Angel (whose hat I will be getting for my birthday, hint hint, clue clue ["duly noted" -- Sars]) calls for a medic, who brings a towel over and says, "It's just a death rattle, that guy's gone-zo." Nice, dude. After cleaning himself off, Dexter grabs the peach-pit-sized object from the corpse's mouth. "Call me crazy, but I think this is human flesh." Ewww!

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Dexter

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