Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | Grade It Now!
Dex And The Maiden

Rita gets back home, where Mama is eating corn flakes right out of the box and watching the tube. "Hi, honey! I thought you were spending the night at Dexter's." "We had a fight. I think we broke up." She cries while Mama comforts her. "Mama's here," she says, stroking her daughter's head while a seriously evil look crosses her face. She wanted this. I mean, duh, but why?

"Yesterday, I was so hopeful," VOs Dexter as he sits on his couch, looking forlorn, the morning sun casting an amber hue on his face. "A new me, a new life. But a life without Rita seems strange." He puts on some clothes, waking Deb in the process. "What the fuck are you doing up so early?" she asks. "Gotta get to the station." Deb follows him into the living room, and asks, "You okay? You seem weird. Weirder than usual." "Rita broke up with me last night." "Seriously? What happened?" "Long story." "I've got time." "I don't." "Cliff Notes." "She thinks I did something bad, but I didn't." Deb wonders if he told her that, but he explains he didn't have time because she just booked. "Did you go after her?" asks Deb. "Was I supposed to?" "You're such a guy. When I get pissed, I say stuff I don't mean all the time! 'I hate you.' 'I faked it.' 'You're hung like a grape.'" "You lost me," says Dex. Deb explains that Rita probably didn't really mean that the relationship is over, and that Dex should "stop being such a douchebag and go fight for her. She's fuckin' perfect." "I know." Deb's cell phone rings, and she picks it up. After a few nondescript grunts and such, she hangs up and tells Dex that it was Lundy, and he's holding a briefing on the BHB case, and specifically requested Dex's presence. Uh-oh. "I've missed my window: he's already seen the footage." He asks Deb why, and she says, "Because you're his new butt-buddy. You gonna be okay?" "Check back with me later." Yeah, true. Losing Rita could be the least of his problems today.

"The show's already started, but have they seen the feature presentation?" VOs Dex as he walks into the video surveillance portion of the BHB room. Masuka asks the monitor woman if everything is synced up. "Yup, we can watch streaming video of the marina right now if you want to." "Yeah, maybe we'll get to see some pontoon poon." Jesus H. Christmas, Vince! Dude, Lundy is standing right next to you, man! Everyone gives him a sideways glance, and Lundy says, "Did you need something?" Watching the video footage, Dex VOs, "That's not my marina, yet. I'll be making my onscreen debut soon enough. I've got to figure out a way to get to those video files." Word. Lundy's starting the meeting: "The media frenzy about the Bay Harbor Butcher has come back to bite us, big surprise. Now we've got a wannabe vigilante out there who liked the Butcher's style and thought, 'Hey, I should try this at home.'" Lundy flashes a picture of the "victim" up on the screen as he continues. "He attacked this man, John Henry. Ex-convict, preyed on the elderly. It gets better. I've already received reports of ads on Craig's List and coffee shop bulletin boards requesting the services of the Butcher." Damn, dude. That's pretty nutty. Lundy says, "If this kind of thing catches on, we're looking at an epidemic." "Kind of like herpes," whispers Masuka in Deb's ear. "Fuckin' A, Masuka, I'm trying to listen." "One in four, Morgan. One in four." Dude, you're a dick, Vince! Lundy goes on to explain that vigilante justice is domestic terrorism, and that if one life is lost to a vigilante, that he will pull the case from Miami Metro Police and make it a totally Federal case. "That's a promise." "That's a disaster," VOs Dex. "It would be raining Feds in Miami." Lundy finishes that if Miami Metro wants to keep the case, they need to "nip this in the bud." Angel busts in, saying he thinks he has a suspect. He plugs a USB key into the projector, and immediately a driver's license showing a guy named Ken Olsen (played by this guy, natch) pops up. "Olsen's mother was hurt badly in a home invasion robbery. Guess who hurt her?" "Please tell me John Henry, our train car victim?" Angel thinks Olsen attacked Henry for revenge. Lundy wants to know if there's any way to get him in for questioning, but Angel says they can't find him anywhere. "Okay, leak this to some of your media contacts. Let's try and beat this guy out of the bushes. Good work, detective." Lundy tells everyone else to find either hard evidence on Olsen, or the man himself. "The full force of the FBI," VOs Dex, still stuck on some old shit, "that's the last thing I need. I've got to make sure Lundy gets his man, after I find a way to erase the marina files, and make up with my girlfriend. And then maybe I'll try to tackle world hunger, because things really can't get much worse."

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