Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | 7 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
I guess being a serial murderer isn't all that bad...

Outside, Dexter is in the pool for all of three seconds before getting accosted by a nerdlinger named Masuka, whose new haircut Dexter compliments. "Damn, I saw your sister, lookin' hot!" Ew, dude. I mean, they're not blood relatives, but still. A little tact? "What are you doing here?" Dexter explains that it's a crime scene, and Masuka replies, "Yeah, but you do blood spatter." "So?" "There's no blood here!" Oooh, interesting! Masuka calls over to Angel (played by David Zayas, a.k.a. Enrique Morales from Oz) to show Dexter the body. As Dex looks on, he voice-overs, "No blood. No sticky, hot, messy, awful blood. No blood at all. What a beautiful idea!" Then, to Morales...uh, "Angel": "How does he do it?" "It's hard to say. The body's in good shape." Dexter is almost ecstatic. "This is unique!" He looks like his mind is blown. The body is chopped into small segments, and Masuka points out, in a geekily giddy way, that there are no prints either. However, Angel points out that he thinks the killer didn't finish, because there's the beginning of a fourth cut on the left leg, which only has three segments, as opposed to the right leg, which has four. Very astute, Mora-- Angel. Morangel. Dex voice-over: "No blood. I can't think. I have to get out of here."

On his way back to the motel (in slow motion), Dex passes Lt. Laguerta (played by Lauren VĂ©lez, a.k.a. Dr. Gloria Nathan, also from Oz), who winks at him very sexually while she's clearly in the middle of a TV interview. Gross! Not that I don't find her fetching, because she is most certainly that, but...really? During an interview? Foul. "I wish she'd stop that," Dexter voice-overs. "It's one of those mating rituals I really don't understand." ["Maybe you remind her of Ryan O'Reily." -- Sars] He leaves the crime scene, still obsessing over the bloodless body. "This guy may have exceeded my own abilities."

Back at the station, Dexter's doing some more of that "faking it" thing by walking in with a box of donuts and bear claws, asking about people's families that he clearly couldn't care less about. "Salt of the earth, these people. And they work hard. But with the solve rate for murders at about twenty percent, Miami is a great place for me to hone my craft." True indeed. Less talky, more killy! Up saunters Deb, who's all amped up because the Captain did indeed put her on the case. Laguerta is supposedly none too thrilled with this development, but Deb thinks she just "needs to get laid." Probably.

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Dexter

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