Dexter

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B- | 3 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Murder Ponzi Schemes

Previously: Couch Baron was kind enough to fill in for me while I was trying to accomplish the apparently Herculean task of getting Showtime in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. So, this Lumen cat is not gone. Deb is getting further into the Santa Muerte case, but nobody's talking to her. Dex told Deb that he didn't want her bringing Quinn around Harrison.

Dexter and Deb are packing up his house. Dex is, of course, very meticulous about everything. He VOs that he has always tried to keep the different parts of his life separate, but becoming a father made that difficult. And, he failed as a husband, but he's a very neat monster. Who knew that was even a box you'd want to tick off on requirements for a monster? Dexter removes the oddest dimensioned portrait of Rita from the wall. First of all, there's more sky in the photograph than there is of her face. And, I believe that is a 15x42 photograph or something. It's whack. Dex says that he won't make the same mistake again. Deb says that she packed up Rita's wedding dress, because she thought that Astor might want it some day. Well, she'll have to clean out Dexter's blood if she wants to use it.

Dexter tells Deb that the real estate agent who is representing his house wants him to paint the walls white. Deb adds that he wants it to look like no one ever lived there. Dexter adds, or died. Such a drama queen. Deb mentions that he'll have to disclose that someone was murdered there to potential buyers, but Dex says that he's offering the house for a lot less than it's worth. Deb asks him if he knows where he wants to live yet, but stops herself. She feels like that was a stupid question to ask and tells him that, of course, he can get his apartment back. She'll move out.

Dex had thought that she was already living with Quinn, but she insists she hasn't. She says that she doesn't even have any clothes at Quinn's place. As she's putting a box in Dexter's truck, she finds a pair of Lumen's sunglasses. She mentions that she never saw Rita wear those glasses. Ever the perfect liar, Dex says he doesn't remember her wearing them either. And, he says it perfectly. Do you think Deb is starting to notice these quirks in his behavior and stuffing them in the back of her head?

Later, Lumen is in a hotel room looking at herself in a mirror. Next day, Dexter takes Harrison to the beach. Also, he spies on Lance Robinson. Lance hooks up with dudes, then kills them. He has killed 4 guys. Meanwhile, Lumen is putting on fake eyelashes. Disguise time! Ooh, a black wig. She's completely unrecognizable.

At the station, Deb is running a meeting about the Santa Muerte stakeout when the chief walks in. He ridicules her for using the taxpayers' dollars to pay for dancing and booze for the cops, but Deb says this is the only lead they have. More ridicule from that nasty chief and he leaves. Laguerta follows him and explains that they have to keep working this angle, because it's the only one they have. He mentions that he also thinks she has been spending too much money getting Batista out of trouble and if she doesn't make some headway in the Santa Muerte case, her job is on the line. Ouch.

Laguerta takes Batista into her office and explains her dilemma. She says they have to make something happen at the club stakeout. It gets tense and she says that an officer (Liddy) was suspended because of Batista's bar fight, but he corrects her -- Liddy was suspended because of her. He could have taken care of himself. He adds that she didn't do the things she did to help him, she did it because she couldn't stand any tarnish on her shiny shiny name. Well, who sits around letting their name get tarnished, you idiot? You don't necessarily have to be some sort of crazy person to see damage to your name coming and then trying to avert said damage. Anyway, he's nasty and she tells him to get out of her office and that's that.

Lumen is looking at a gun in her hotel room. She puts it into a bag then leaves. Meanwhile, Deb knocks on Quinn's door and he answers in that barely opened way that screams "there's another woman in my place." They talk for a while until she gets super pissed. Finally, Quinn opens the door and reveals Liddy sitting in his place. Liddy jokes to an embarrassed Deb that all clothes are staying on and she leaves. Liddy jokes that Quinn is boning their target's sister. Quinn is so dying by the end of this season. Anyway, he asks Liddy to tell him what he found out about Dexter. He says that he's squeaky clean, which means that he's not squeaky clean.

Later, Dexter is playing peak-a-boo with Harrison while the nanny looks on. She coaxes him to say goodbye to Dexter, but Dex is sure that he hears, "Die, Die." Maybe. He goes to the beach in a rented RV and finds Lance. He tranquilizes him and gets him in the RV and strips him and begins to wrap him in saran wrap in a cocktail dress design that would certainly win a challenge on Project Runway, but much like the curveballs that are thrown at the designers, Dex gets a phone call from Lumen. He ignores it, but she keeps on trying. Finally, he answers. She's hysterical and says that she found one of the guys who had raped her and shot him. She's at the marina. He's shocked to hear that she's in Miami. He tells her not to move. Then, he carries wrapped up Lance to his truck and puts him in the back. He VOs that Lance will wake up in a few hours, so he has to work fast.

Meanwhile, Quinn is working it at the stakeout, which means flirting with hot girls. Deb and Batista are watching from a tiny van, which is the Miami version of coffin torture. Deb is pissed and Batista accuses her of being jealous. He also says that Quinn is a good guy, but she should stay single as long as she can.

Dexter makes it to the marina. He finds Lumen and tells her to show him the body. Stiles is such an odd actress. I almost feel like she's lying, but I really don't think she is. Dex explains to her that everything she does leads back to him. She takes him to where the body was. It's gone. Dex tells Lumen to shut up while he uses his expertise to find out where the bleeding dude went to. She doesn't understand why he knows so much about blood.

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Dexter

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