Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | Grade It Now!
"Dex Is The Great Unifier."

Now Dex is sitting on the john in the men's room, making a call that he'd obviously like to be private. "Masuka," says the voice that answers. "Hey, it's Dexter Morgan." "Dude, I know your last name." Dexter wants him to run a DNA comparison. "I'm gonna send you two samples. Do a tox screen, too, okay?" "Dude, if this is your idea of a romantic weekend, you're going to be a bachelor for a very long time." Dexter hangs up, and draws his own blood, and we're flashing back...

...To a very bloody scene. We're clearly in an emergency room, and Dexter is on a bed, his chest sliced open, lots of blood everywhere. Harry runs in and asks what happened. Mama Morgan, still alive at this point, tells him that Dexter went to retrieve a ball of Deb's, and sliced his chest open on a wrought iron post when a dog started chasing him. Yikes, that looks pretty painful. "Is he going to be alright?" Harry asks a doctor. "We'll need to do surgery to repair some internal bleeding, and that's a problem," says the doctor. Harry wants to talk about it away from Dexter, so he and the doctor go to the other side of a glass window, where Dexter can still hear them. "The complication is with your son's blood type." Harry and Mama Morgan get into some sort of tiff, and we can sort of hear Mama saying, "We can't keep him alive if we don't do something! Go now!"

Angel is getting questioned about this whole Doakes shooting fiasco, which I couldn't care less about, to be honest. "So, you heard the .38 go off before Sergeant Doakes's nine-millimeter?" asks the Internal Affairs guy. "Then, I went under the causeway and I saw the suspect --" "Mr. Bayard." "...Mr. Bayard on the ground, his gun lying next to him." Whoa, wait a second. I thought you said you didn't see a gun. What's up? The I.A. guy asks Angel if he's sure it was Bayard's gun. "Well, it wasn't mine! And Doakes had his niner in his hands." The I.A. guy shoots off a string of questions, asking Angel if he saw the gun on Bayard, if he knew the guy was a janitor, if he knew he'd never gotten so much as a parking ticket since he immigrated from Haiti. "He got a lot more than that this time, didn't he?" says Angel. "Are you sure you heard the .38 go off before Doakes's nine-millimeter?" Silence.

Looking through papers back at Driscoll's house, Dexter announces that "Joe bought this house outright in 1976. Paid cash. No records before that." "No records," says Rudy, "no childhood photos. The guy was sixty, but it's like his life started when he was thirty." Rita agrees. "So, what happened between years one and twenty-nine?" says Deb. Rudy speculates, "Maybe he butchered his entire family." Deb says she thinks he was just a loser who maybe split on his wife. "What do you think, Dex?" asks Rudy. "I think Joe spent some time in prison, probably mixed with some bad people. Maybe he had to hide from them." "Whatever it was, drugs were involved," says Rita, holding up a pin. "Narcotics Anonymous. Paul used to get these, but he's never get past his welcome chip." Dexter counts the chips, saying, "Looks like Joe was clean for --" "Let me guess: thirty years," says Deb. "Joe said no to the drugs, but not his Rock 'n' Roll. Nothing in his collection post-1980." Rudy's found Joe's old record collection, and puts on Free Ride by Foghat, and he and Deb start rocking out, playing air guitar and shaking their butts, which is kind of hilarious because Deb is also wearing one of Driscoll's bowling braces, which kind of makes her look bad-ass, for some reason. "Oh, good, dancing," says Dexter. Okay, that's really funny. I love his delivery. Eventually, Rudy gets Rita into the mix after her initial demurrals, and Dexter finally joins in half-heartedly. As the song continues, they all continue cleaning and dancing as if it's the montage in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead where the kids all clean up the house in about five minutes for SueEllen's big fashion show. Okay, I didn't just write that. Anyway, Deb totally redeems herself for all previous annoyances for actually making me laugh out loud by being such a toothy dweeb in this scene. She really goes all out with the dancing, and she looks kind of hot, to boot. Another interesting thing about the scene is that it's edited so that we see only the "violent" things that Dexter and Rudy are doing: ripping tape, cutting boxes, tightening rope. It's very subtle, but it's effective. Well done.

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