Dexter
Dexter

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 1299 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Leavin' on a Jet Plane…

LaGuerta comes home, apologizing for being late and acting shifty as hell while Batista is all "Dinner's in the oven," like, the role reversal is kind of funny but we know from that shit she pulled with Esme back in Season Two that she can be a better liar than this, so either she's not trying hard enough, or she doesn't have anything to hide and is just being squirrely for "dramatic" effect, which would be completely cheap. I mean, it's not like he surprised her, like with Dexter and Deb in the last scene -- she knew she was coming home and would have to tell him something. Get it together, woman.

Anyway, after a palpably slow and bullshit excuse about staying in the office late because of "budgets," she goes to take a shower, leaving Batista to stew about what kind of McCourt fluids she's washing off herself. Oh, but first he checks her phone and sees she's got an appointment scheduled for "Tomorrow" at 2 PM at the "Beach Inn Motel," like, what kind of calendar doesn't list the date, and by the way, it's 6:49 PM, according to the phone, and they're both acting like she was burning the midnight oil. How long could he have been sitting there with "All day long I slave over a hot stove, and this is the thanks I get" thoughts in his head?

Dexter turns back up to the motel and conveniently finds that woman with the power to magically turn collection agencies off hosing down something or other, and she tells him that "his wife" was "asking about Tuttle Bridge," like, she has an ENTIRE BULLETIN BOARD devoted to these guys and has the NAME OF THE BRIDGE ON A POST-IT NOTE and IS ON HER WAY TO COMMIT MURDER, and she has to stop and chat about it? Anyway, Dexter freaks and gets back in the car...

...and then Lumen, wearing a hoodie while she apparently plans to commit murder in BROAD DAYLIGHT, is strolling through the shantytown, which by the way is so lacking in menace that I'm surprised Mommy and Me didn't have their outing here. (Okay, maybe not that surprised.) And actually, when Lumen, devoid of peripheral vision thanks to that stupid hoodie, bumps into some guy, he calls her...an "ASSHOLE"! Such language! I may have the vapors! Anyway, after Lumen looks around for approximately forty minutes, she sees a shirtless Brunner wandering around, and by the way, I wasn't under the impression that Dexter's Kill House was all that nearby, so how is it that Brunner's ankle tag didn't go off last night? For that matter, where are the sensors set up? What's the perimeter? Whatever, I can't believe there are this many plot holes in a single episode and I'm going to end up writing twenty pages if I keep obsessing about them.

Dexter

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