Dexter
Dexter

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 1298 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Leavin' on a Jet Plane…

Batista sees his wife in her office with McCourt and asks Deb if she finds him attractive, but she reassures him: "I would rather put a campfire out with my face." Hee. This is enough for him to drop the subject, so she tells him Cira (she always sounds like she's saying "Sierra" -- work on it, Deb) is going to keep checking ATM video surveillance while she tracks down the tattoo. He asks to see the drawing again, and when she produces it, I'd say it looks like an eye with no pupil and two solitary lashes on the bottom side, but Batista's assessment that "It looks like a UFO to me" certainly has merit. Deb expresses similar confusion and opines that they need to talk to an expert, which sets a light bulb off over Batista's head...

...and then we pan up a close shot of someone's back, on which a large tattoo of a bare-breasted female warrior riding a dragon can clearly be seen, and then we fade out to see the bearer of the image is Masuka, who informs them that "the dragon lady represents the dualities of my inner warrior." No frickin' idea what that means, but Deb's response of "Or your inner idiot" suffices to move the scene along, and while for the sake of thoroughness I'm going to have to tell you that Masuka having removed his shirt lets us see not only the tattoo but the leopard-print thong he's wearing down below, you can bet I'm not going to dwell on that either. Anyway, after some tiresome discussion about Masuka having had "a crisis of the soul," he tells them that they're going to want to talk to his "body artist, Michael Angelo," and nothing about that scene made me want to do anything other than behead Masuka with a machete. I guess I know who to talk to about that!

Dexter pulls up to Boyd's house as DVO tells us that from the outside, a normal home is indistinguishable from the home of a monster who puts women in barrels, like what that has to do with the price of tea in China I'll never know and WRITERS, DON'T WRITE WORDS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF WRITING WORDS, and when Dexter gets inside DVO continues that there must be something inside that will point him to Boyd's accomplices, like, wow, Dexter, you're really taking that stuff you said last week about a "leap of faith" to heart. Dexter quickly discovers that someone's been there by the presence of overturned files and a bloody broken window, and I will tell you that I uncharacteristically have not seen the full episode prior to writing this but I would lay money that this was Lumen returning to the scene of the crime. Dexter, however, after finding a bloody envelope with a fingerprint on it, concludes that "whoever Boyd was working with must have panicked," like WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT, and then he sniffs, "Amateurs," like YOU SHOULD TALK GIVEN EVERYTHING YOU'VE BOTCHED THIS EPISODE SO FAR. Oh, no, I'm yelling at Dexter! I'm sorry -- I know you've been through a lot!

Dexter

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