Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B | Grade It Now!
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"Dex Will Tremble To Take Us."

Ooh, prison time! FIP is playing "Matchy the Matchbook's Magical Journey" with a few matchbooks and a Chutes and Ladders board, trying his best to keep Astor and Cody entertained. He looks pretty tired, and has a split lip. When FIP looks up, a guard makes a Time's Up signal, and FIP hastily finishes up the bullshit game he's clearly been making up as he went along. "Matchy goes straight to Candy Castle where he becomes King Candy, who can turn everyone into sweets with a wave of his royal gumball staff." Weak story, dude. "Cool story, Dad," says Astor, totally contradicting me. "But, next time, can we play the actual game?" FIP tells her that he's going to try to get the pieces from the warden, which is a bold-faced lie, I'm sure. Rita tells the kids to say goodbye to FIP, and they hug him. "What's wrong with your lip?" asks Cody. "I was biting it, because I was excited to see you," he lies. As Rita and the kids start to leave, FIP asks Rita for a minute alone. She reluctantly agrees. He tells her that his lawyer is going to file for an appeal tomorrow, but that he doesn't "stand a chance without that shoe." "There's no shoe. How many times do I have to tell you that?" "Okay...any evidence at all to support the fact that I was set up?" "You mean that Dexter set you up." He implores her to help him, because he's not doing so well: "It's a federal prison. Hardcore. I don't belong here. Will you help me?" Rita just tells him she needs to go, and takes off. He looks pretty upset, and I can't really blame the guy. He was set up, after all.

LaGuerta is leading Rafael's mother, Eva, and her daughter, Marissa, into the station. She tells Angel to take Eva's statement and hook Marissa up with some crayons. Angel tells them both that he's sorry for their loss, and leads them into the next room, passing Dexter. "That girl's going to need more than crayons to make her world right," Dex VOs. "Killing Little Chino could restore my world, too." Do it! "But only if he satisfies Harry's code." Oh. Do it anyway! Dex heads over to Debra, who's doing desk work. "I see you've been benched," he comments. "LaGuerta's just jealous the Ice Truck Killer fucked me instead of her." Wow. "Wow," says Dex. Heh. "You're chipper." Deb says she's just happy to be back at work, and asks what Dexter wants. Dexter tells her he's working up his blood report from the victim at the breakwater, and he's curious what she's found on this Little Chino guy. "Cocksucker's guilty as they come," she says, shoving over a file folder. As Dexter peruses the pictures inside, she continues, "He's an enforcer for the 29th Street Kings, an East-side gang, intensely violent. He's been linked to nine murders in the last five years." "So far, so good," he VOs. "I just hope he's not blind." Deb mentions that he's been tried twice, but the witnesses in each case were murdered, "we think by Chino himself. Now people are just too afraid to come forward." Off camera, we hear Doakes say, "Come on, Chino, right this way." Deb and Dex look up to see Doakes leading in an absolute mountain of a man. He's got a handlebar mustache and a tattoo of a heart with a crown of thorns on it and blood drops dripping down. "Fucking beef bus!" exclaims Deb, actually making me laugh aloud. "Beef bus"? That? Is awesome. Seriously, though, I can't even accurately describe how mastodonic this guy is. "Beef bus" is really the best description. He is a bus made out of beef. Dexter follows the guy with that lusty, murderous look he gets as a gunshot rings out in the soundtrack.

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Dexter

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