Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | 814 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Dex..."

Dexter arrives at the pumpkin patch, which is now a crime scene. LaGuerta informs him that it's "ankle to knee. He's moving up the leg." Uh oh. Doesn't sound so good for Mr. Tucci. As Dexter starts pulling out his investigative gear, Deb shows up, and LaGuerta's not amped to see her. "Unless you're toting a portable DVD player, you'd better be finished watching the security footage." Deb tells her she's on break, thus on her own time, thank you very much. LaGuerta reminds her that her shift starts in two hours, so she should head back to the station. Totally ignoring her, Deb goes over to Dexter and asks, "Hey, didn't Dad bring us here when we were kids?" "I don't remember. But she's right about the traffic." Frustrated, Deb takes off as Angel and Dexter examine the leg portion. Dexter notices that there's no sign of infection where the foot was cut off, "like he gave Tucci prophylactic antibiotics before amputating." "At least he's looking after his patient," says Angel before busting out a different gift he's gotten for his wife, a necklace with an "O" and an "X" on it, representing hugs and kisses for those of you who have spent your entire lives in a cave with your eyes shut and your hands over your ears. "Ox?" asks Dexter upon seeing it, once again making Angel totally second-guess himself. "No...fuck! Xs and Os." "Like tic-tac-toe?" "No, like hugs and kisses. Diamond-filled hugs and kisses...in a white-gold setting?" Aw, I love Angel. He's so insecure! But why is he so worried about this anniversary? His wife should understand, right? It's the thought that counts.

Over at Rita's, Dexter's dropping off Cody and Astor, who want to know where Rita is. Dexter explains that she had errands to run before the tricking and/or treating extravaganza that evening. Astor tells him they're too tired to go, which is bullshit because she's, like, nine, and that's just impossible. Cody continues, "It was that damn dog!" and Dexter reprimands him lightly for using grown-up language. "Besides, I don't think that dog will be bothering you anymore." "How do you know?" asks Cody. "Because I took that dog's owner and chopped her into little bits and threw those bits into the ocean. I then catapulted that dog into outer space, using the world's biggest catapult, to which I have access, being connected to the MDPD as I am." He actually doesn't say that, which is a shame, sort of. He says, "My mystic powers told me." Astor mentions that she heard Lindsay Lohan say "damn," and Dexter grabs her by the throat and throttles her, saying over and over, "She's not a role model! She's not a role model!" until the end of the episode. Okay, that's also a raging lie. But Dex does take her aside to say, "Okay, I'll make you a deal. When you become a rock star, you can say 'Damn,' too." Just then, we hear a woman's voice shouting, "Walter! Walter!" Oh, this should be good. Salty Asshole busts out of her fence, and immediately trains her eyes on Dexter. "Where's my dog? What'd you do with it?" "It"? You suck. I think it's a "he." Dexter raises his arms up and makes the "duh-I-dunno" face as some really happy music comes on the score and we see...

Dexter

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