Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B | 2 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Dex..."

This is a flashback to an earlier time, with mega-young Dexter, not the teenaged one we've seen for the past couple episodes. He's with Debra and his step-mom, and this is the first time we've seen her. Harry is getting the camera ready to shoot a family portrait in front of...the same palms that are in the background of the hand picture, so they must be at Rand Beach. Harry sets the timer and jumps back into the shot, and tells everyone to say "stinky feet." Oh, Harry! You're such a card! After the flash goes off, Harry says, "Nobody move. Dexter, were you smiling?" Of course, Dex says no, so they have to do it again. "I want you to smile this time, Dexter," Harry says. "Yeah, pretend you're burning ants!" says Deb. Shut your damn face, Deb. "Shut your damn face, Deb," says Dexter. Whoa, that was weird! Anyway, Mama Morgan reprimands the children for bickering, and Harry seconds the scold, and asks Dexter to come over to where the camera is. "What's the matter with you?" Harry asks. "I hate the beach. It's sandy and gross and nasty and I want to go home." Harry explains that being a part of the family means hanging out at the beach and smiling for photos. Dexter wants to know why he should pretend to be happy, and Harry tells him that not only will it make his mom happy, but it's how he'll fit in. "Remember how we talked about that? Well, this is how you do it." Harry sets the Polaroid up again, and Dexter fakes a smile. "Stinky feet!" Click.

Dexter's back at his pad now, telling LaGuerta on his cell that he'll be right in after he "picks up a few labs," which is obviously a lie because he's totally going to find that picture and compare it to the one at the crime scene. Being awesome, I'm totally right, and as Dexter finds the shot, he VOs, "Dexter Morgan, this is your life. It is my new friend, the Ice Truck Killer. When he broke into my apartment, he took some time to get to know me. My life." As the camera slowly zooms in on Dexter's LG air conditioner: "My secrets." His mind looks pretty blown, and I gotta say, mine would be, too. He's in a pretty delicate situation, having someone out there who knows what he does. Why doesn't whoever it may be blow the whistle on Dexter? What does this person have to gain? Hmm...

CBS Channel 4 in Miami is still reporting on the manhunt for Tony Tucci, our supposed Ice Truck Killer (even though it's obviously not him), and LaGuerta is telling someone on the phone to "tell the fuckin' governor to free up some funds for overtime. I mean, the more guys I got out there, the sooner we'll find Tucci." I'll free up your funds, jerkwater! Astor walks in with a sober look on his grill, and shuts the door behind him, and LaGuerta hangs up the phone. "What's wrong?" she asks him. "Fingerprint came back from that hand on the beach. It belongs to Tony Tucci." Oh, snap! Suck on that, LaGuerta! What, are you gonna say he cut off his own hand to throw you off his scent? Not pleased, she's all, "No, no. No way. No. Way! This has to be a mistake!" "The mistake, Maria, was unleashing a high-profile manhunt before you had all the facts." That's right, beeyotch! "Fuck!" Yes, "fuck" indeed. Astor just watches her while giving her a pretty frosty glare. "Okay," she continues, "this doesn't mean that Tucci's not the killer..." "Don't. Just...just don't," says Astor. "You want to be on TV? Well, get ready. The press will annihilate us for this. You'll be lucky if Tucci's mother doesn't sign a lawsuit." Yeah, dude. You guys are pretty boned. Astor tells her to go talk to "that woman," by whom I'm assuming he means Tucci's mother. "Hopefully we can mitigate the fallout." LaGuerta is hesitant, because she called her son a killer, and Astor tells her to suck it up and make it right. He takes off, leaving her to her thoughts, which I hope sound something like, "Jesus, dude, I really suck. Like, so hard. I'm such a power-hungry douche-nozzle that I can barely stand my own existence. I wonder what Dexter's doing right now? I love him, but he's too good for me. I should just end it all right now..."

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Dexter

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