Once Upon A Time…

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: C | 1 USERS: D+
And They Lived Stabbily Ever After

In the lab, Masuka finds that the snakes in the chest were from the wild, which doesn't help them trace the origins. He dictates his results into a tape recorder and also reminds himself to buy Barry Manilow tickets. Ryan comes in with toxicology results and a really inappropriately tight outfit. She ran tissue samples of the snakes. There were traces of metals, but nothing in the bellies of the snakes, so it means that the mother snake must have been living in a toxic environment. They can run EPA tests and have a better idea of the origins of the mama. Nice! He makes half a crack about looking up her skirt and she hears it. He begs her not to sue and she says, "You like to watch. Good to know." Trouble.

Maria storms into Matthews's office and complains about his choice of Deb for LT. She says fuck you and he tells her that she only gets one time to do that. The choice is his and that's that. He says that this is going to be a disaster and she won't take the fall, but he says we'll see about that.

Masuka, with Ryan, tells Angel that hazardous waste sites in or around the Everglades might be the location of the original snake. A bunch of reporters arrive. Quinn asks Dexter what he said to Deb, but he just points at Deb in her uniform. Maria takes the podium and introduces Deb as LT, the youngest one ever at Miami Metro. She also calls her a "true friend," which is amazing. Everyone seems stunned, except Angel, of course.

Later, Dexter takes out Julio, the guy from the shop. They're in a barber shop and Dexter slits his throat. He says that monsters don't get to live happily ever after, but I'm not sure what he's really thinking. We see him giving Harrison his bath later. Isn't this a happy-ish ending? Is he just expecting doom later on? Or, is he thinking that he doesn't have to be a monster after all? He gives Harrison a box like his so that he won't remember Dexter's. When Harrison asks for a monster story, he opts to tell him The Three Little Pigs. He's thinking of wolves now instead. We see Travis club a jogger on a late-night path. He takes him back to the church and Eddie Olmos seems pleased. Dexter says that Harrison can't see the real him, but was that ever really an option?

Jeff Long is a writer/performer in Brooklyn. He can be reached at or followed on Twitter at @jblong.

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