Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B | 2 USERS: C+
Jennifer Carpenter Emmy Episode

Laguerta and Batista are about to make out in the elevator at work when Masuka gets in. He tells Laguerta that Batista was her knight in shining armor the night before and she should be "polishing his lance." So, now she knows the fight was about her. Once off the lift (I love to say "lift"), she demands that he tell her exactly what happened during his fight. He tells her that it's settled, but she gets all boss lady on him. Laguerta says that the dude's insinuations that she was a slut were wrong.

Late that night, Dex and Deb have a talk. She wonders why Sonya left Ireland and whether or not maybe she's running from something. Dex facetiously suggests that she check Interpol and she has the most brilliant sullen teenage little sister fuck-off face. She tells him that the case with Lopez is driving her crazy. Dex tells her that he spoke with Cody that day. He had called to get Dex's pancake recipe. He says that he sounded happier. He also says that Astor wouldn't come to the phone. Deb tells him that she'll come around. She tells him that routine is a good way to achieve normalcy after losing someone. He asks her where she got that and she snaps that she is capable of independent thought, before smiling and saying she heard it on Oprah. She tells Dex to keep getting better.

The next day, before getting in the car with Boyd, Dexter phones in a dead animal. He says that Boyd will get the call (I'm assuming later?). He gets into his truck and they're off. Boyd is listening to his self-help guy that we heard when Dexter was looking through his house. He tells Dex that it changed his life and can help Dex through his divorce (he notes the tan line on Dex's ring finger). He VOs that he didn't want to talk about that part of his life. Boyd notices that it's a touchy subject for him and recommends that he listen to Jordan Chase, the guy on the recording. His catchphrase is "Take It Now!" And, um, I think that's Jonny Lee Miller on the cover of that CD. Hell yeah. Boyd asks "Darryl" what he wants and says we're on Earth to find out what we want.

Quinn is trying to piece together a composite of three different witnesses who'd seen Kyle Butler. Conveniently, he has a picture of Dexter on his desk too. Lopez tells Deb that she got some info from the guy they visited yesterday. He didn't have names, but he had descriptions of two guys -- thugs in their 30's. They're going to see if they can get more out of him. Something tells me that guy's going to get beheaded.

Dexter and Boyd are scooping a splattered animal off of the road. Dexter called two hours earlier but Boyd hasn't gotten it yet. Dex thinks that the kill is off for today. Then, the call comes! And, yeppers, that dude is dead. His head is set up on an altar.

Dexter and Boyd make it to the area that Dex had chosen. He gives an injection to Boyd who freaking shoots him with a tranquilizer gun. Dex wakes up in an ambulance. Boyd is next to him. They keep giving each other creepy eyes. At the ER, Boyd takes off the minute the docs aren't looking. He goes looking for Dexter with some hardcore shears. He doesn't find him, so he just leaves the hospital.

Masuka joins Deb and Lopez at the crime scene. Lopez feels that this is her fault, because he was seen talking to her. Deb said that was her call and Lopez did a good job. Masuka studies the damage to the dude's head and wonders why no one just shoots each other anymore. Quinn gets a call from Agent Walker. Quinn thanks him for returning his call and says that he thinks he has a lead on Kyle Butler. He wants Walker to arrange for a meeting with Arthur Mitchell's family. They are about to go into witness protection, but Quinn begs him to get the interview.

Boyd, after arriving home, hears a noise in his house. He draws a gun and expects to find Dexter. As he's looking around, the Take It CD starts playing. As he's entranced once again by the soothing message of the former Mr. Jolie, Dexter injects Boyd again, this time without incident. He VO's that this whole thing could have gone smoother. You think? Dex calls Sonya and tells her that he's going to be a little late. She tells him that Harrison took his first step today. She sent him a picture. He hangs up and looks at the pic.

Laguerta, on her way to the new crime scene, is visited by someone from Internal Affairs. He tells her that Batista is going to be the subject of an investigation because of the fight. The guy he got in the fight with is in the hospital with internal bleeding and is pressing charges. Apparently, two witnesses saw Batista kick the guy on the ground, which is assault with a deadly weapon. He could be seeing jail time.

Boyd wakes up duct taped to a table. There is newspaper all over the walls. He regrets not being able to show Boyd the pictures of the women he'd killed. Boyd cries that they were all suffering and he put them out of their misery. Dexter, in that dreamy way he gets right before he jabs a knife into their chest, explains that his wife was murdered by someone like Boyd... and himself. He says that Boyd will be the beginning of his healing process. Now's the part where Boyd tries another tactic, since crying didn't work. He says that he knew Dex was fucked up when he saw him for the first time. He also says that Dexter doesn't know what he's getting into. Dex says he wants his wife back, but killing Boyd will have to do. So he does. He VOs that he actually feels emptier. Then, he hears a noise. There's a shadow behind the door. He finds a dirty, half-naked woman crouching in a corner. He tells her that she's safe, but she's clearly not in a place to be reasoned with. She tries to run away (is that blood on her back?) but Dexter holds her back and she faints. It's Julia Stiles! Dexter says that she saw everything. She saw HIM. You know, for someone all alone in the world and all that, Dexter sure does have a shit ton of epiphanies about intimacy. He's freaking Deepak Chopra up in here.

Jeff Long is a writer/performer living in Brooklyn. He can be reached at

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