I'm actually embarrassed to try to explain the logic of this one even in recaplet form, but after Dexter discovers the same kill wound in EJO as in the Doomsday victims, Colin Hanks sees Dexter hovering over EJO's body and locks him in the basement. He is then kind enough to have a conversation in front of the basement window with Tyler Durden in which we learn that it was Colin Hanks, not EJO, who was the real Revelations freak, and when EJO told him he needed help, he killed him. However, this information comes from Tyler Durden, whom Colin Hanks basically tells to eff off, so…after he had himself convinced that he was doing all this stuff because of Tyler Durden, now, just as Dexter learns the truth, he decides he doesn't need him anymore? Sure. Dexter then gets so obsessed with catching Colin Hanks himself that he cuts off EJO's dead hand and uses it to put his prints all over the church, and then…decides to keep the hand in the morgue, rather than dump it in the swamp? I…okay?
After the police finally get to the church (really considerate of them to take an entire day to show up when it was close enough to be in visual range of the wifi source), they all see from the paintings that the next tableau is going to involve wormwood. Meanwhile, Colin Hanks mines EJO's blog for disciples (I'm glad all these freaks have Vimeo accounts) and finds a guy pledging his loyalty to EJO, so Colin Hanks goes to meet him and his wife, who are total zombified religious nuts he has no problem convincing to help him.
Everyone learns that Colin Hanks has a history of psychosis and even might have killed his parents, and then thanks to an unwitting assist from Deb, Dexter realizes that Colin Hanks is going to go back after Holly, the original Whore he let go, and tracks her to her rich boyfriend's boat, the Ricochet Rabbit. Unfortunately, Colin Hanks and his zombies get there first by hours (given what Dexter went through to find her, how they could possibly have tracked her down, and that quickly, is totally beyond comprehension) and kill her; the good news is that Dexter follows and stabs an assailant in a hazmat suit – only it's Zombie Husband for some reason. After Dexter realizes that wormwood is going to come in the form of poison gas, he finally caves and calls the police. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to him, Greene gives Batista a lead about the Zombie Freaks' posts, so Batista goes to investigate (sans Quinn, who's drunk as usual) and questions Zombie Wife, leading to Colin Hanks knocking him out. Of course, there are two episodes left, so he's surely safe enough for now.
Oh, and Matthews invites Deb out to dinner, but before that happens, she gets hold of the dead call girl's effects and figures out that Matthews was the john. I feel like I've been doing this long enough that the "you know, if anyone cares" should be understood.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We start right where we left off, and Dexter crunchily moves EJO's frozen arm out of the way to reveal a familiar-looking kill wound, while upstairs, Colin Hanks and his big sword move to the trap door. By the way, I didn't address this last week, but I'm not sure why Colin Hanks would have preserved EJO's corpse rather than disposing of it, but again, the writers obviously couldn't think of any credible way to reveal that EJO was dead. When Colin Hanks sees Dexter standing over the corpse, he looks shocked, as if he thinks Dexter killed him, although if he's under the impression he was just talking to EJO a few minutes ago, I'm not sure how he accounts for EJO's corpse being FROZEN SOLID. As if to clear things up, Dexter accusingly tells Colin Hanks that he, Colin Hanks, killed EJO, and Colin Hanks's response is to screw up his face like he was just told he will not be having dessert this evening before closing and locking the trapdoor on Dexter.
Colin Hanks then goes outside and, conveniently in full view of Dexter, has a little chat with Tyler Durden in which the latter tells him that he did, in fact, kill him, and then Harry makes a "joke" about how funny it is that Colin Hanks talks to someone who isn't there, like, we've seen extensive evidence that Dexter does not, in fact, talk to Harry, that the chats we see are representations of Dexter's inner monologue, but the show has twisted its own internal logic so far that pretzels everywhere are jealous.
Anyway, it obviously makes absolutely no sense for Tyler Durden to flip the script and start acting like Colin Hanks's Jiminy Cricket rather than his Svengali, but I'm guessing this is the end of the fantastically stupid and contrived, both thematically and plot-wise, EJO storyline, so there's that, at least. So, to get this wrapped up: Colin Hanks went to EJO with the Revelator sword, which got EJO canned; EJO then told Colin Hanks that his claims that the two of them were the Witnesses showed that he was delusional and needed help, whereupon Colin Hanks tried to prove that EJO couldn't be hurt by stabbing him with the sword. You'd think a university professor might have been like, "Um, maybe try it on yourself first?" Anyway, Tyler Durden opens his shirt to show that he's bleeding from the wound, as if that makes any sense, but even less probable is Colin Hanks trying to deny it and telling off Tyler Durden, adding that he'll get some new disciples that will help him. Dexter, of course, has been observing all this instead of maybe trying to get out of there and grab Colin Hanks while he's having this little exchange, but once Colin Hanks has safely departed the scene, Dexter's like, durr, I have to stop him, and takes about three seconds to break out.
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