Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
Up In Smoke

...and when Speltzer comes to, he's restrained atop a metal belt in front of a small door. He asks what the fuck this is, so Dexter, off behind where he can't see him, intones, "The end of your run." Speltzer roidily yells the f-word a few times, prompting Dexter to imitate him; it's funny, but he then, quick as a cat, rushes over and yells it again at the top of his lungs into Speltzer's face, and the primal nature of it cows even the big dude. Dexter conversationally says that this would normally be the time to slice Speltzer's cheek open, but he realizes that's a habit that's become too risky to continue. "Everything's different now. The memory of killing will have to be enough." Speltzer breathes that he's going to kill Dexter, giving Dexter an opportunity to respond, "That would be a twist." This is the umpteenth variation I've seen from fictional characters of that sentiment; the point is, Speltzer, your time has come.

And in case you were wondering why Dexter doesn't seem too concerned with DNA, he pushes a button on one of the support beams in the room, and the small door lifts up - to reveal the cemetery's very live crematorium. Speltzer starts screaming for real here, and then Dexter grandly and menacingly tells him he was supposed to be the bridge to Deb's understanding and acceptance of Dexter, but he almost lost her, and she almost lost herself, because of Speltzer. "Who knows, maybe our relationship can rise from your ashes." Dexter picks up the shovel handle/stake, and Speltzer cries "No!" a couple times, but without further ceremony, Dexter plunges it into his heart. And honestly, I'd rather that than be burned alive, right? Seems pretty humanitarian of Dexter, at least if you take it in a very narrow context. Once Speltzer has stopped twitching, we see that Dexter's talk of blood slides wasn't idle - he brought his case along, and after opening it and giving it a last look, he places it atop Speltzer's corpse and sends the whole kit and caboodle into the furnace like the serial-killer version of a Norse funeral. Odin's going to be a little confused about this one. As everything reaches the flames, Dexter intones "Goodbye, friends," and that is CREEPY and HORRIBLE and I kind of love it. He pushes the button to close the door...

...and then later, he stands outside the building watching the smoke go up from the chimney. Deb pulls up, and he gets in her car and tells her he wasn't sure she'd come. She tells him he wasn't the only one before asking what she's doing there, and Dexter points to the cloud of smoke and is like, uh, remember Speltzer? Instead of flinching, as you'd probably expect, Deb merely regards the column of smoke for a long time, before, without turning her gaze, asking Dexter if he did this for her. Dexter, after a moment, admits that he didn't, and then asks her how she feels, and she gets the word out in a whisper: "Glad." She breathes hard and wonders what that makes her, and he simply replies, "Human." And speaking of rising from the ashes, as I asked in the recaplet: Where has this show been?

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