Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B+ | 2 USERS: A+
Up In Smoke

Oh, dear, the Ukrainians are coming. Specifically, they've turned up at Alex's house, and they're at least polite enough to knock. Alex is surprised to see them but deferentially lets them in, and look, I'm not saying he should be completely live to what's going on, but nighttime visits from your mobster bosses generally can't be terrific for your health, right? Isaak Pullo compliments Alex's family, as there are photos of them everywhere, and Alex explains he came to America to make money to provide for them - they're still back in Ukraine. Dude's got a pretty decent-sized place for someone who's sending every bit of money he can back home, but a film crew can't really fit in a shitty studio. (At least, not a union crew.) Isaak Pullo gushes about Alex's twins and how isn't five just the best age, and I'd point out that Alex isn't so much experiencing firsthand the wonderful joys that come with having five-year-olds, but he's about to have bigger, more hole-shaped problems, so I won't bother.

Speaking of which, Isaak Pullo bemoans the sacrifice Alex has to make before asking how awesome it would be if his family could have a lot of money - the kind that would send his kids to college. It's kind of amazingly hilarious that he's using this "No wait - there's more!" enthusiastic voice, given the strings that are attached here. Alex says he'd give anything for that, and if Isaak Pullo is talking about paying full American college expenses in thirteen years when these kids are ready for school, maybe Alex's declaration that he'd do "anything" for that is understandable. Isaak Pullo is like, that's just what I wanted to hear! Now all you have to do is sign this confession saying you killed Soroka, blow your brains out, and your kids are set for life! I'm not joking - he has Alex write a letter to Soroka saying he can't live with what he did, adding that he's going to take care of Alex's twins.

Jason Gedrick, who's likely been bored out of his skull throughout this scene but has been waiting patiently, dumps the gun Viktor used to kill Anderson on the table, and when Alex asks what he's supposed to do with it, puts two fingers to his head and pantomimes pulling a trigger. Well, the man knows how to make himself understood, I'll give him that. Isaak Pullo leans forward and suggests Alex look at his children's faces, as they would want him to do this for him. Alex, perhaps not quite convinced of the veracity of that, asks what happens if he doesn't, and Jason Gedrick's there with the answer: "We'll kill you anyway. And throw your wife and fucking kids in the river." I'm getting mixed signals on how romantically this decision should be treated. Isaak Pullo mildly chides Jason Gedrick for the vulgar threat, but essentially follows it up with "but the man makes a good point," and to drive it home, the silent henchman (while using a cloth; he really is compulsive about the prints) picks up a shot glass and pours Alex the last bit of vodka he'll ever taste, even patting him on the back sympathetically afterward.

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