Dexter

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Mr. Stupidhead: B | Grade It Now!
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The Opposite Dex

Now, Lilah's stealing someone's wind-chimes, and Dexter says he thought they were going to get art supplies. "I work with found art," she says, irking me even further. "More like stolen art," says Dexter. "Is this what a sponsor normally does on their first meeting?" "I dunno, I've never sponsored anyone before." Well, that's just great. "But don't worry," she continues as she steals more wind-chimes, "I've had tons of sponsors, so I learned from the best." "You do realize I work for the police department?" "If we get caught, you can flash your badge!" she replies, demonstrating her complete lack of understanding about police procedure. "I don't have a badge, I have a laminate," he says pathetically.

Back at her truck, Dexter implores her to talk to him about why he came to her. "Oh, you want help? Okay...why do you use?" "Why? I don't know, it's just part of who I am." "And, who are you?" "I'm a...bad person." Lilah laughs at this, and tells him he doesn't have the faintest idea about who he actually is. "Dexter? Meet Dexter. I'm going to help the two of you get to know each other," she says, jumping into the truck. What does that even mean? "I don't think that's necessary," says Dex, and I couldn't agree more. "The first step to recovery is accepting who you are," Lilah says. "You're going to tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets!" Oh, Christ. I smell a flashback coming on...

Totally! Young Dexter is in a dark room, watching through a crack and listening to his parents talk. "There's something...off about him, Harry," says his step-mom. "You know why," Harry replies. "All rright, look. It wouldn't hurt to have him tested, would it?" Harry looks displeased with this idea. Hmm. More on that later, I guess.

Dexter's phone rings, and after a few short words, he tells Lilah, "I gotta get back. Dead body." "How many times have you used that one before?"

Dex arrives at the crime scene and asks LaGuerta what's up. "Gunshot victim. Alicia Barnes, thirty-six." Dexter examines the body briefly, then prods LaGuerta for some details about the break in the BHB case. She doesn't seem to know any details, and Doakes walks in. "The neighbor heard the victim arguing with her husband last night. Curtis Barnes." Ignoring this, Dexter says how excited Masuka was about the development, but LaGuerta's not listening. "Husband's car is gone," continues Doakes, "nobody knows where he is." "Any idea what they found?" Dexter asks, pissing Doakes off. "Can we concentrate on this here, please?" Dexter says, "Sure," and breaks it down. The victim was shot very precisely, twice in the chest and once in the head. "She was Mozambiqued," says Doakes. Nobody knows what that means. "Triple-tapped." Doakes looks around, and spots pictures of Barnes on active duty. Then, noticing keepsakes on the table, "A Russian grenade, a Kurdish dagger...tell me that shit wasn't stolen from Saddam's palace." "What are you saying?" asks LaGuerta. "I'm saying asshole's special ops, there's no doubt about it." Ah, so that's why they had that bit from last year in the previouslies. I know they'd make it relevant. "Huh, they're generally known for settling their arguments so peaceably," Dexter says sarcastically. "Don't get smart with me." "Sounds like we're in your world, James," says LaGuerta. "Yeah, I'll take lead on this one." Great. You do that.

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Dexter

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