Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B+ | Grade It Now!
"The goal of all life is Dex."

Flashback time. Dexter gets picked on by some bully, who slaps his milk out of his hand and tells him he can't believe that "out of two million sperm, you were the fastest swimmer." Later, Dexter tells Harry that he wanted to kill the guy, but he obviously did not. Harry says, "That must have tough for you to walk away from, Dex. I'm proud of you." "Don't be, because I still want to kill him. When's that gonna go away?"

The reporter is just finishing up with Perry, who asks when the story is going to run. "They're saving space for you tomorrow, front page. I just gotta get back and write." The journalist reaches out his hand for a shake, but Perry's hand can only go so far with the shackles on. LaGuerta comes in as the reporter leaves, and asks how the interview went. "It was fine," says Perry. "Good. You ready to talk about the case?" "Sure, as soon as I get to talk to a reporter." Seems that Neil is wise to LaGuerta's game, and he threatens to invoke his Miranda rights, but LaGuerta calls him out on his shit: "If you wanted a lawyer, you'd have one by now." True! "I see. You think I'm a fraud, and you're trying to prove it, but the truth is, you're the fraud." Neil goes on to tell her that he found out how she got promoted to lieutenant in the first place. Apparently, she and Doakes, who used to be partners, were working a big coke bust. LaGuerta got lucky by being in the right place at the right time, and got all the glory as a result. "You got the headline grab," says Perry. "And so the legend began. I wonder if Doakes would have made a good lieutenant." LaGuerta asserts that she deserved her promotion. "Of course you did! It was a big bust! Not as big as me, of course, but let's face it: you didn't catch me. Your captain did." Would that be Astor or Matthews? Oh, right, same guy. Weak. LaGuerta's outtie-5000.

It's nighttime now, and Dexter's at Meridian's office, about to break in for some snoopin'. "My therapist wants me to accept the things that are out of my hands. Tragically for him, he's not out of my hands. Not if I can find proof that the death of at least three women under his care was not a coincidence." Rita texts Dexter, wondering where he is. "Breaking and entering," he says aloud, and puts his phone back in his pocket. Now inspecting the camera plant, he says, "I hope you got my good side." Duhr! Dex keeps sniffing around, looking for the end result of whatever the good doctor is "recording for posterity's sake." Finally, he reaches Meridian's desk, where there's a laptop that's not an Apple, which is unusual for this show. Naturally, he's able to find the folders containing the video from all three victims as well as Sean Ellis (another nod to American Psycho), his therapeutic alter ego. After deleting his own folder, he says, "Hello ladies," and opens up one of Vanessa Gayle's videos. She's begging Meridian for a refill on her prescription, and he refuses. "We talked about this," he says. "The anti-depressants are a temporary crutch so that you can start taking steps on your own." Dexter opens another video, presumably another one of the alleged suicides. This woman, who has short blonde hair, is crying and talking about how difficult it is to just get out of bed in the morning. "I just -- I want to die," she says, helplessly. "Look at me," says Meridian. "I understand the appeal of death, okay? No more pain. All the career pressure, the hopelessness...gone." Dexter opens another video, with yet another woman. "In many cultures, there's no stigma attached to taking one's own life," Meridian preaches. "Suicide's respected, even revered, as a matter of personal conscience." The woman asks how most people do it. "The most courageous at heart use guns," he responds. Bingo, Dexter. Do your thing, buddy! "You took women who trusted you at their weakest possible moment," Dexter VOs, "but rather than help them you suggested they end it all. God, you even gave them permission to use a gun. You're a mean one, Mr. Shrink. Create their drug addiction, then pull them off and fill their addled heads with noble thoughts of suicide. I think I've had a breakthrough in therapy!" Rita texts him again: "IDK MY BFF ROSE LOL OMFG ROTFL!!!!1!!!ONE" Actually, it reads, "Come over. I need you!" Seems he's got his man pegged, so he takes off.

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