So, yeah. Wow.
At the cabin, Lila busts in and encounters Doakes, who reveals to her that Dexter is the BHB. She's shocked, of course, but instead of letting Doakes go, she decides to drop the cage keys just outside his cage and run to the stove, which she turns on just before cranking the propane feed to the place. She busts out of there, jamming an axe in the door so Doakes can't get out. Doakes is able to reach the keys and get out of the cage, but after realizing he can't get out of the cabin, he runs towards the flame as he utters his last "muthafucka" on this mortal coil. Sergeant Doakes, we'll miss your violent outbursts and irrational behavior. We'll also miss this show being good, because the way the writers killed you was kind of bullshit. It's not "Jumped the Shark," anymore; it's "Flamed the Cabin." "Hey, remember that show Dexter?" "Oh, yeah! But it totally Flamed the Cabin after season two." "True, true."
Anyway, this convoluted turn of events makes Dexter feel alive again, and we're treated to a semi-remake of the opening credit sequence, with Dexter cutting and cooking shit. He even runs over to Rita's for a quick morning bone, and she's powerless to resist his advances. The kids come in and ask if they're back together, and Rita says she guesses they are. Yay.
Meanwhile, LaGuerta's having kind of a tough time dealing with Doakes's death, and Deb tries to talk to her about it, because she also has once cared about someone who turned out to be a serial killer. Kind of a unique club to be in, huh? Anyway, LaGuerta doesn't give a shit, because she knows Doakes wasn't a killer, for real, but I guess they're saving her obsession over that for next season. I mean, the writers tied up so many loose ends here, that there has to be something left for season three.
So, there's still the issue of Lila. Now that Dexter knows she's a killer, he arranges to meet her at the aquarium. He leads her on and tells her he wants to go away with her, all the while totally planning to put her in a bag. He later goes to her house to kill her, but he mistakes Deb for her, and almost totally blows his cover! Luckily, he's able to hide his syringe, but unluckily, Lila completely understands what's happening when she shows up, so she grabs Dex's murder bag, and uses his M99 to paralyze Cody and Astor's babysitter. Not fucking cool!
Of course, at the last minute, Dexter figures out that Lila's got the kids at her house, and he needs help from Deb to put out an APB on the crazy beyotch. Deb is vexed because she's supposed to be on a plane to vacation with Lundy, but she chooses Dex because it's an emergency. Not a deal-breaker, I don't think. Whatever. Dex goes to Lila's, and finds the kids watching TV in the loft. He turns around and sees Lila shutting the door behind her after kicking over some candles and setting the place ablaze. Lila escapes, but Dex helps the kids escape, then wraps himself in a rug and busts through a burning wall to safety. Pretty sweet. Deb is there to call the shots.
At the end of the episode, we see Lila in France. She gets back to her apartment, and finds a postcard from Miami with no postage on it. She flips it over and sees a picture of Doakes, and Dexter immediately slams a spinal paralyzer into her back. Not wasting any time, he carries her to the couch and stabs her in the heart with very little fanfare, which is awesome.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: You know what? If you don't already know what happened, you really shouldn't be reading this yet. Sorry. All you need to know right now is that Lila has found the cabin where Doakes is being held.
So, at the cabin, Lila's snooping around outside, and Doakes calls out, "Hello! Who's out there?" Lila reaches the front door, and looks in puzzlement at the lock that's keeping it shut. "I need some help! Get me out of here!" Looking through a crack in the boarded-up window, Lila asks, "Who are you?" "Just open the door! I'm being held captive!" Lila spies an axe lying on the ground next to the porch, and grabs it.
Over at Dex's place, Deb has her sidearm out, and she's loading that bad boy up. She notices Dexter cleaning up their dinner, and says, "Leave the mess for once! Walk away from the mess." "You know I can't do that," replies Dexter with a hint of a smile. Deb tells him that Lundy needs him, too: "He's mobilizing every agency in five counties. We're closin' in!" "You have a rental car, you don't have Doakes, yet." Deb lets her annoyance be known, and Dex reminds her that he's only useful if there's blood present at the scene. "Well, maybe we'll shoot him." "Then you'll need a paramedic, not me." "Are you afraid to face Doakes?" Dex tells her that of course he is, and that he has dishes to do. "Fine, I'll let you know when it's over," she says, pissed, and leaves. After a brief pause, she comes back in: "It's Doakes, you fucking hate the guy!" "I used to, but I can't afford to think of him as a person anymore." "I tried," she replies, and leaves again.
Once she's gone, Dexter sprints to the foot locker in his bedroom, VOing, "If they find Doakes locked inside a cage, it will seriously undermine my frame-job." Dex pulls out his case of M99, and inspects the rest of his tools. "I need to beat them to that cabin." Yeah, you do. What's gonna happen if you don't? Handheld drill? Check. Duct tape? Check. Let's roll.
In his car, which I can only imagine he got from the motor pool, Dexter's putting the pedal to the metal, and continuing his VO: "Waiting out there in the Everglades are hordes of county sheriffs, search parties, and ravenous reptiles. And in this corner, wearing the dark trunks, The Mighty Dexter." Dexter pulls up to a trailer that's going somewhere around fifteen miles per hour, and he frustratedly puts a hand to his face. After honking once, he pulls around and passes the slow-moving vehicle on the shoulder. "Drive much?" he yells over his shoulder, and turns back around to find that he's about to get into a head-on collision. He swerves to barely avoid it, and VOs, "I need a miracle."
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