Dexter
Dexter

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: D | 1002 USERS: B-
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This Is The Way The World Ends…

Colin Hanks is watching, of course, the local news, which tells us that the solar eclipse is the next day. Colin Hanks is drawing something on a paper bag when he looks up and...berates the corpses on the floor for smelling bad. Ha ha...ha?

Dexter is waiting somewhere when Harrison appears, accompanied by Jamie, who's like, "I cannot believe you fell off your boat and swam to shore!" That's good thinking, Jamie. I can't believe it either. Dexter is most adorably thrilled to see his son...

...and then they're arriving home, with Jamie having to let them in since Dexter lost his keys, wallet and phone. Yikes! That's a lot of busy work to make himself whole again. And Harrison's cute and all, but once again, they wouldn't be showing him toddle into the apartment for twenty seconds if they had sufficient story to work with. Homeland had more tension in one minute than this finale has in its entirety. (If you want another indication, I've done about three hundred recaps for TWoP, and I banged this one out more quickly than any other one, and by a lot, too.) Anyway, Dexter scarfs down a banana and some water as Jamie tells him he's lucky, and then reminds him about the pageant before she leaves. Dexter and Harrison then play for a while, and it's super-cute, of course. Later, lying in bed, he tells Harrison that if God or some force saved him that day, he's sure it was for Harrison, and I guess Harrison is young enough that there's no danger of him bringing this up years later all, "What did you mean by that?"

Colin Hanks bangs the legs off a table and menacingly grabs a knife and...an apple, and then puts some things in a basket and tells himself, "Today's the day," like what a POINTLESS scene, and then we have to see him going to his car and putting the basket in his car and getting in his car and driving his car away, and with how little of consequence happens in this SEASON FINALE, I can't imagine how tough it must have been for the editor not to have made the cut come in at eleven minutes.

Deb barges into Dexter's apartment where OF COURSE he's just putting his shirt on, and she hugs him and cries and slobbers all over him and it's gross. I mean, of course she's upset because she heard his boat washed ashore and he wasn't answering his phone, but let the man put his shirt on, Deb. She tells him she loves him, and he returns the sentiment in those words, and then she's stunned because he never said it before and EW. Her phone then rings, and I'd like to believe it's editorializing about the fact that she's been hugging him for like three minutes, but it's actually news of a double murder with blood evidence, so Dexter goes to finish getting ready, at which point Deb looks like she needs a post-hug cigarette. Gross!

Dexter

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