The episode starts with a wounded Dexter wandering around a deserted warehouse area. He looks like he’s in trouble. But, then, we see him call 911 and ask for assistance. He tells them that he has been stabbed. But, really, he was just looking for a clever way to get to some EMT workers who had been letting people die for profit. There are lots of moving parts in that scenario, but Dexter seemed to make it work just fine. He kills them with defibrillators.
Angel’s sister Jamie is Harrison’s new nanny. She’s gorgeous. Dex and Deb interview at a Catholic school where they would like Harrison to matriculate. It’s revealed that Dexter isn’t Catholic and he says that he doesn’t believe in anything. Meanwhile, Laguerta is promoted to Captain. She seemed oddly chummy with Deputy Chief Matthews on the dais and it seems she blackmailed him into her position by finding out that he was featured in a book of clients for a big time madam. Score. It also appears that Laguerta and Angel got a divorce in our time away. She has recommended Angel to take over her job.
Dexter goes to his 20 year high school reunion, mostly to get this guy who was super popular and who he suspects killed his wife -- a girl from high school who was also super popular and also nice. He goes to the reunion and finds out that he was a lot more well-known than he thought he was. He even gets a BJ from a pretty girl. He finds the guy and kills him, though not without having to play touch football (really poorly) first. Dexter playing touch football is one hundred percent the highlight of this episode.
Meanwhile, Colin Hanks and Edward James Olmos are in a boat in a swamp looking for a pregnant snake. Then, they sneak up on some guy selling fruit by the side of the road. When the man is found, baby snakes had been sewn into his body. Gross. Colin Hanks is crazy and our guest for the season.
Deb is at a restaurant with Quinn and he’s clearly about to propose when an armed dude comes in and starts shooting. Deb saves the day while Quinn is in the restroom. Dexter goes back to the school and tells the admissions lady that he wants Harrison to have exposure to God and stuff. The lady says that they will do their best to find a place for him.
We begin with the mother of all "Previously on Dexter"s. It's Dexter and Dexter in a nutshell, with Prado, Arthur and Lumen featuring heavily. Funny enough, there's not a trace of Julie Benz to be seen. Weird contract stuff at work? Maybe a budget thing? I wonder if maybe she gets paid more for the use of her image than John Lithgow, since he was a guest and she was a principal? I always think about this stuff when you see something like this -- Rita was so important to Dexter's life, I can't imagine that not showing her face is supposed to help the storytelling here, right? After all that, the wry humor of the opening sequence feels a little dated. Has this show outgrown these credits? I think they're absolutely brilliant, but they do feel like they're for a different show now.
So, it looks like Dexter is in trouble. He's breathing heavily and stumbling around clutching his side. We see him drop a bloody knife and call 911. He says that he has been stabbed and needs help. The dispatcher is unflappable. Go public services. She sends an ambulance Dexter's way, to some abandoned warehouse-looking area. By the time they arrive, Dexter is lying on the ground and struggling for breath. Oh, but wait. As the two paramedics are over him, he gets all Antonio Banderas in Desperado with some syringes and renders the EMT dudes unconscious. They awaken strapped down in their ambulance, which to their misfortune appears to be done up like a killing room. You see, these guys were part of a plot to kill patients in order to harvest organs. In his heart of hearts, I feel like Dexter would really love that sort of work. He offs the guys with a defibrillator, which is kinda cool. I wonder if there's some philosophy behind the idea that people don't really just freak the fuck out the minute they wake up and see that they're strapped in saran wrap. Not just because I'm an audience member of this show, I'd know that things weren't looking good for me if I was being prepped to travel like chicken livers. But, maybe the guys in charge assume people are always in a sort of bargaining-with-God state of mind? I think waking up in plastic and getting your cheek cut and some guy listing your worst crimes is totally primal scream time. Let it go, girl. As Dexter is dumping the bodies off the Slice of Life, he VO's that he has learned that periods of darkness can overcome us at any time, but he knows that he can overcome. He feels smarter and better.
He's at home now, putting away his slides. He walks down what feels like three hallways in his apartment, then opens a door. There's a really cute girl in a bikini top there and he calls her Jamie. He VO's that it's not what we're thinking. Angel is behind her and says hi. Dex VO's that it's really not what we're thinking. She's Angel's sister. Then, he says that buying the apartment next to his other apartment was a great idea because now it means that he can come and go as he pleases. Wow, Angel, what a succinct and specific way to reveal the information about this apartment that we needed to know. The writers sure are lucky that they have a character like Angel who so reliably communicates exactly what everyone needs to know. Wait -- the writers of this show are lucky because everyone loves to begin their sentences with an expository clause that ties the world up in a neat little bow. I don't know. This bothers me. It happens too much. It feels too easy. Was it just to hard to think of another way for that information to be revealed? I know that the tone of the show is a little heightened and could possibly be used as an explanation for this sort of stuff, but it has stopped working for me. Angel was watching Harrison while Jamie went for a swim and says that he's sleeping like... a baby. Dexter says that he's not a baby anymore --- he has his first pre-school interview the next day. Angel wishes him luck and Jamie says that she plans to stay late the next night, she already has calendared Dexter's high school reunion. Oh sweet. High school Dexter. Angel makes some remark about Jamie being underdressed as they leave the apartment and it's so obvious and now we know everything about their entire relationship. So, I guess the nanny from last year didn't get her moment with writing staff? I really thought she was going to have some creepy presence in a storyline.