Dexter

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: A | 1419 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
"Think Not Disdainfully Of Dex, But Look On Him With Favor."

At some kind of tropical Christmas village, Doakes is asking a pair of elves who found the body parts. "I did," says the male elf. "They were left under the tree. I thought it was the crew from last night just messin' around, 'til I found the head." "I told him not to touch anything, but he never listens," says the female elf. "God, Patty, you're such a bitch." Deb asks if they saw anything strange before they found the body, and the female elf mentions that she saw a few broken ornaments by the tree. Deb 'n' Doakes thank them for their cooperation, and walk back towards the scene. Dexter shows up, and asks LaGuerta what's up. "Female victim, cut up into pieces." "The Ice Truck Killer? So soon?" "Yup. Can't wait to see how the Captain is going to handle the press on this one." LaGuerta tells Doakes to walk Dexter through the crime scene and complains about the snow machine, which does look annoying. "Your sister can help you out," says Doakes, giving Dexter the Hard-Shouldered Man-Bump of Misplaced Aggression. Deb makes a joke about sexual tension, which isn't funny, because here she is, yet again, not giving a fuck about her brother having beef with someone she has influence over. Not cool, Deb. Anyway, she points out a clock stopped at 1:03, "the same numbers he left at Marina View Hotel." Dexter asks if there are leads on what they mean, and Deb says they've talked to numerologists, mathematicians, and code-breakers, but they all needed more to go on. Dexter spies the body parts, and as the camera pans out to reveal the scene, Dexter VOs, "First he turns my whole world inside out with a carnival of blood." We're flashing back to the blood-soaked Hotel room and Dexter passing out. "Now he leaves me this, a calming oasis in the desert of my confusion. It doesn't make sense." Masuka rolls up and mentions that the crime scene's been wiped clean. "Another hooker?" asks Deb. "Ho-ho-ho, another dead ho," he responds. "Somebody's been naughty." Okay, Vince? Let's leave shitty lines like that for Horatio Caine, m'kay? "Hey, Morgan, you wanna sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas?" asks Masuka. "And, he's back!" says Deb. "No thanks, last thing on my wish list is a burning sensation when I pee." Fair enough. Dexter says that this scene "doesn't seem right. The body parts scattered among the presents. He broke an ornament...it's not his usual meticulous style. It seems rushed, haphazard." "That would explain why we can't find one of the hands," says Masuka, striking some sort of chord with Deb, who looks like she just smelled a fart. Dexter notices something under the torso, and it's a videotape. The label reads "Merry Christmas, Miami."

Dexter

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