Dirty Sexy Money
The Bad Guy

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D+ | Grade It Now!
Simon Says...

In a much nicer place, by Darling standards, Nola's just about packed up and ready to leave when Jeremy shows up and proposes. The ring is a gigantic emerald-cut emerald, so big it looks costumey. The music gets strummy and sad again, as if we should care or as if there is some big reveal we're going to learn at some point soon (like... Nola's married? Or her brother is her kid? Or anything big that would keep them apart), but she turns him down because this life isn't real, and she wants to reunite her family. Jeremy says they're real, despite starting out fake. She asks him to let her go. He looks sad, but seems to want to do what she asks. We zoom in on a contemplative-looking Nola. So weird.

Karen and Nick are in Simon's room. She hopes he's dead, then scolds Nick for bringing Simon into her house after promising her he'd keep him far away from her and the baby. Nick says he agreed to bring Simon here in exchange for him leaving Karen and the baby alone, and he assures her that Simon's going to live up to his word this time. Karen says that's good, because she kind of loves this baby. Nurse Crazy comes out and tells Nick that Simon's awake, so he leaves Karen to go talk to him. Simon asks where he is, and Nick tells him. Simon replies, "Nicely played," making me think that promising Simon he'd bring him here wasn't really part of the deal. Nick tells Simon he knows about Simon wanting to fake his own death and plan a getaway. He asks why Nola, her brother, the Darlings, etc. Nick threatens that the police will listen if Simon won't talk to him. Simon repeats he's not the bad guy, so Nick asks who is. Simon says he'll tell him, and we flash back into a stupid little scene in which Nola's dad shows Simon (who's wearing glasses; he's less evil with them on somehow) the biofuel in a test tube seven years ago. He also introduces Simon to Nola, who's a New York attorney. And we meet Justin, who's a tiny little boy. Oh, and Nola and Justin's mom is dead. None of this helps us figure out anything before Simon's lung collapses and the doctor sends Nick out again. So we'll have to wait.

Now Jeremy's in with Simon, calling him a "creep wad" and saying Nola should have killed him. Nurse Crazy comes in and tells Jeremy to go ahead and kill him. She even tells him how, and shows him how to up the morphine drip. She starts doing it, and Jeremy freaks out and tells her to stop. She eventually stops and says that wasn't actually morphine, but harmless saline. She says she was joking, but she never laughs and barely smiles. She was trying to entertain Jeremy. Man, she's so hilarious she might have started her nursing career at the Second City or something. This is how they set up crushes and flirting on this show now, apparently: with totally weird and unfunny humor.

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Dirty Sexy Money




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