Dirty Sexy Money

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D | Grade It Now!
Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse...

Jeremy is letting Lisa into the art gallery, apologizing for having to bother him. She thanks him for the ride. I don't know why she had to bother him. Did she lose her keys to the gallery? Or not know how to find transportation in Manhattan all of a sudden? The way she got to the Darlings' must have gone away suddenly upon her arrival, along with all cabs and subways. He tells her it's the least he could do after her "craptacular cage match" with Karen. Lisa's planning to sleep at the gallery instead of explaining to her mother that her marriage is over. She thanks him for sticking up for him, since Nick just stood there. Lisa says she fought for her marriage so hard because she didn't know who she'd be without Nick, but now she's ready to let go. Right now. Tonight. But she isn't ready to do it alone. She tells him it's not about forever, just tonight. And then they start kissing in a way that's clearly leading to sex -- right in front of the big glass front of the gallery for all of the city to see. This is actually sort of awesome. Okay, this is the one development in this episode that I love. Because Nick doesn't deserve Lisa, and maybe Jeremy does. Although, yeah, Jeremy? Probably doesn't. But at least he thinks she's amazing.

Nick's still on a balcony talking to Hot Roadkill about how he loved Karen since he was six, and he always thought he'd be with her until she broke off their engagement and he met Lisa at college. He's spent all of his time since caught between them. And now he's worried he's lost them both, but Hot Roadkill doubts it. She's known him for two days, but can tell he's not the type women get over easily. She asked if he's ever considered a third option to Karen and Lisa, and he says he actually hasn't. She thinks that's too bad since there might be other options. She kisses him, and he looks sort of confused but also sort of into it (and how could he not be confused? Craziest night in Nick's life, I think). And Tripp's standing in the doorway watching. Uh-oh.

Patrick's in the limo with Nola, telling her he feels free for the first time in years. He tells her she has no idea what it's like to be under someone's thumb, and he's grateful to her for wanting to be his chief of staff even though he knows it's about being close to Jeremy. Patrick says neither of them can be with the person they really want. Bring Carmelita back, please! I'd much rather have her than uninteresting Hot Roadkill. Nola gets out when the limo stops. Then she's talking to Simon, saying Patrick is going to be on the agriculture committee. But then she says she can't do this anymore. He tells her he has to show her something, and asks her to come and sit by him. He says now and someone somewhere bangs a big drum so that we know he means business. She hears it too and goes to sit by him. He looks at her all gross and pervy, and turns on the TV. It's a little Asian boy in a room covered in child's art. He's talking to Simon through the camera: "Hi Simon!" Simon tells her there's still only one person he asks for when he wakes up, and then the boy asks Simon to give his sister kisses. She asks where her brother is, and Simon says not to worry because he's well taken care of. She asks when this is going to be done, and he comes in close, grabs her arms, and warns her never to forget all of the things he's done for her. She shakes him off. He grabs her chin and condescendingly asks who's his little soldier. I am totally puzzled. What is going on between these two? I feel like he's an evil kidnapper, but then he reminds her of all he's done for her. What did she get herself into, and what did he save her from to get this sort of blackmail power? It makes me so mad that this one mysterious element makes me want this show to stick around despite its serious and fast downfall this season.

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Dirty Sexy Money




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