Dirty Sexy Money

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
Joint Therapy

Last one before the break! And as I said over on Chuck, congratulations on the full-season order, even if...well, you know.

By the way, when Nick does his opening spiel introducing all the Darlings, when he gets to "Jeremy and Juliet, the well-behaved twins," there are only shots of Jeremy. Sometimes they do my work for me.

Sofia and Jeremy are in bed (and her accent is way more muted, just in case you thought it was fully real before), and she's beaming as she basks in the idea that he looks at her with the eyes of a great painter. He whispers some sweet nothings to her, but I have to tell you, I'm not feeling any genuine emotion from him here at all. The way he spoke to Natalie indicated real feelings; this, not so much. Which is fine, I suppose, but it seems like he's going to an undue amount of effort. I guess the point is he's convinced himself that someone likes him for him; the actual someone isn't really relevant, nor is the fact that he's spent hundreds of thousands of dollars maintaining his valet guise. That's our Jeremy. Maybe if he actually gets into space, he'll be able to see the forest for the trees. Anyway, she says she's dying for him to paint her, but he puts her off, and then there's some exposition about how they're screwing five times a day. All right, I suppose the effort isn't completely undue. Some painting-as-metaphor-for-sex follows that's about as subtle as some of the Christmas ad campaigns I'm currently seeing gives way to Jeremy saying he'll start painting Sofia the next day. Good, at least this plotline is going to come to a head. As it were. Sofia rolls up and onto Jeremy...

...and we cut nicely to Ellen rolling off the other side of Patrick. They pantily talk about how they haven't done that in the morning for a while, but I'm distracted by the fascinating sight of Ellen running her hand through Patrick's Black Forest of chest hair. Girl, I just hope you're not wearing Press-Ons. Patrick mentions his leg is still a little sore, which Ellen takes to mean that he's still sore with her, but he tells her that he's just being honest, because that's what they're all about now -- honesty. Well, we already knew that as politicians go, Patrick is the worst liar around, so I'm not going to get agitated that his voice goes up an octave as he tries to tell Ellen that he and Carmelita are over. But you'd think someone who's supposed to be dripping Darling polish wouldn't use the phrase "Between you and I." I know it's the "nucular" age, but still. Anyway, Pat's cell vibrates, and Ellen, who I will note seems really happy here, runs off to take a shower. When Patrick answers, he urgently tells Carmelita to stop calling him (even though he told her he wanted to keep seeing her; don't know what their current arrangement is) but she tells him she thinks she's being followed, as when she got home from "class" the night before, things in her apartment were out of place. Pat, while looking like Ellen's going to round the corner all "Ah HA!" at any second, says he'll be over as soon as he can. Patrick, I hope you locked up all the firearms in the house, at least.

In bed, Lisa's apparently on IM with "Robert Russell, the painter." Nick tells her to get rid of him so they can have one-fifth the sex that Jeremy currently is enjoying, but she says she can't, as the "project" with Jeremy is in full flight. Apparently, Robert is supposed to have painted five works in progress of Sofia, which Jeremy will collect, so as to "fake being a painter in real time." That's quite clever, so I assume it was Lisa's idea, because (a) Jeremy's too busy having sex to plan anything now, and (b) Jeremy. Anyway, Robert is apparently "starting to feel" like the whole thing is putting his integrity at stake. That's some fast thinking, there, Art Guy. Weirdly, we get a close-up of Nick's Blackberry Pearl ringing, but the phone he actually picks up and puts to his ear is twice as big and looks like a Motorola job to me. Props and Product Placement danced around for hours on that little moment, I'd wager. Anyway, it's Elder, who's shirtless (ugh), wants Nick to come over to discuss a "delicate matter" (double ugh), and is in bed with Karen (I don't want to use up all the "ugh" in the world, but...). Nick warily agrees to come by at ten.

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Dirty Sexy Money




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