Dirty Sexy Money

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Bye Bye Birdie

Tripp is on the phone with Patrick, highly emotionally begging him to tell him why he's pursuing this "vendetta" against Tripp's friends. Basically, Patrick is taking far too much pleasure having the upper hand against his father, and the coup de grace comes when Tripp tells him he should move out of "The Imperial," only to have Patrick high-handedly inform him that he already has. Tripp sounds close to tears as he sputters Patrick's name, and Patrick rather brutally hangs up on him before we pan over to see that Elder has been sitting with him the whole time. Elder officiously tells Patrick that he's doing the right thing, "for you and for your city." Whatever you say, douchebag. Also, Patrick, it's not exactly growing a spine when someone else's hand is up your back, you know?

In his study, Tripp is trying to get to the bottom of a bottle of tequila (from the shape, it's Patron, maybe?) the hard way when Nick enters. This is the latest we've seen him come into an episode, I think, no? Tripp says that Nick looks like he could use a drink. Nick: "It's nine-thirty in the morning." It's also the day of Karen's wedding, Nick. I know you fancy yourself as something of a maverick, but do you really want to be the only one sober? Nick asks if Tripp is putting his liver through boot camp because of Patrick's press conference, but Tripp says he has a ritual every time Karen gets married (hee) that he learned from her first father-in-law: you open the bottle of tequila first thing in the morning, and by the time you go to bed, it's got to be bone-dry. Well, as much as I love Tripp, I think waking up next to him tomorrow morning and declaring "I choose you" is going to be a bit of a tough sell. Tripp again pushes a shot on Nick, who accedes like a good WASP. Tripp then pours Round Two as he muses about how the magazines go bazoo for pictures of Karen's weddings; he then orders Nick to meet with reps from the photo agencies and come to an understanding, and authorizes him to give whatever money is collected to charity. They toast to Karen and down another shot, and I hope that's it for now, or who knows what Karen will be doing in the photos that get sold to the tabloids. I mean, just from what we've seen since the show started, the possibilities are pretty limitless.

Brian is chewing out some tailor for screwing up the cuffs on Brian Jr.'s jacket when he's stunned to see a woman through the door pane. And given that said woman is Sheryl Lee, it does seem like Djb should have been subbing in on this episode instead of the next one. Sheryl Lee is apparently now Brian Jr.'s mother, which I guess is her quiet revenge for getting recast after being Mary Alice in the original pilot of Desperate Housewives. (By the way, the original John? Mac from 7th Heaven. Not a joke, people.) Anyway, Brian bustles outside and briefly chews "Andrea" out for running off to Brazil and getting, as her attire indicates, all faux-crunchy and bohemian. (Some of that was implied. Not all of it, though.) Andrea says she wants to talk to Brian Jr., and Brian tells her to meet him in the rectory in an hour, as Mei Ling Hwa and the identical animatronic dolls are out of town.

Letitia is in Nick's office, telling him that they have a situation on their hands. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the tequila. Letitia lays it out -- Karen is having second thoughts that Letitia thinks stem from the hope that she and Nick will end up together (and she adds that Nick knows this, which: SERIOUSLY), so she thinks the best thing to do is for Nick to tell her in no uncertain terms that that will never happen. Nick hesitates, but when Letitia asks him if there is in fact any hope, he says he'll talk to her. Letitia: "Tell her you're not in love with her, and that you never, ever will be. And consider taming those mutton chops you're sporting -- today is Picture Day, after all." Title card.

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Dirty Sexy Money

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