Dirty Sexy Money

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Bye Bye Birdie

Juliet's getting her toenails done when a call comes in from a private number; after a remark to herself about how that's "so 2006," she answers -- and it's Natalie, who begs her not to hang up, but to turn the radio on to "[their] station." Juliet hangs up anyway, but then, of course, turns on the radio. The DJ blathers in a British accent about a "vision quest," and Natalie tells "Jonesy" that the song is called "Free To Forgive," and was inspired by the most devastating event of her life -- her breakup with Juliet. Just then, Jeremy busts in, and he says that he gave the song to Natalie to get her to make up with Juliet. Juliet, of course, is loving the attention, but Jeremy bitterly shuts the stereo off and tells her that Natalie pretended to be pregnant to get his money (...I'm not convinced of that, but let's give Jeremy the benefit of the doubt that he believes it) and that if she's trying to make up with Juliet, it's because she wants something. He stomps back into the elevator, and when Juliet clicks the Ashlee Simpson Meets Paris Hilton-esque tune back on, he sticks his fingers in his ears. Hee. When he's gone, Juliet looks touched by the insipid lyrics, which seems about right. What's not right is that that's about all we'll see of Jeremy this week.

So the first part of this scene is Nick getting his formal wear on while Kiki bleats about catching the bouquet. I like to refer to this little segment as "Shut up, Kiki." Then Lisa comes in and bitches Nick out for skipping some horribly down-market-sounding opening to which he'd apparently said he'd go, and then gives him a bunch of crap for Karen getting cold feet because of him. I mean, she's not wrong on the merits, and Nick certainly hasn't done anywhere near what he should have to discourage Karen, from what we've seen. Still, I shorthand this sequence as "Shut up, Lisa." Lisa bags on the wedding, but allows Kiki to go with Nick. Blech. I hope I at least get to see Rebecca Colfax, Family Publicist to make up for this.

Brian is bitching Andrea out, saying that because of her, his marriage might be over -- Mei Ling Hwa and the "girls" have been in China for two weeks, and he doesn't know when or if they're coming back. Damn, the wife I actually wanted to see is nowhere to be found. I still have a soft spot for Sheryl Lee, but she overacts horribly in this scene; nevertheless, she and Brian are soon rolling around on the bed, although not before Brian barks, "Oh, crap!" Well, at least Brian Jr. will have a sibling around if the Chinese government dismantles the twins for spare parts.

In wherever their new digs are, Patrick has just finished getting dressed, while Ellen is playing that game of Tripp's, only she's sensibly using red wine instead of tequila. He's vaguely unsettled by her lack of affect, but things become clear when she acidly asks him if he's seeing someone else -- "a woman, a man, in between?" Not a big fan of that phraseology, but I'll still allow the question, and Patrick hems and haws before getting an unconvincing denial out. Good God, man, what are you doing running for Senate? I'd back an ambitious Girl Scout ahead of you at this point. Ellen, not being, you know, dead, doesn't buy this, and dismisses Patrick, who looks a bit stunned.

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Dirty Sexy Money

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