Dirty Sexy Money

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Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
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Bye Bye Birdie

Tripp is finishing the bottle of tequila with Clark (hee) who's hilariously wearing his chauffeur's cap as the two of them drunkenly croon away. I just hope no one needs a ride home tonight. Tripp satisfiedly leans back on the couch, and then muses about how happy he is that Karen has finally gotten it right, but Karen picks this moment to come in and ask if she can talk to him. Girl, I thought you said you never ruin a party! He's not too drunk to read her face and snark, "I think we might have set a record here." I can't be anywhere near that witty when I've had that much alcohol. I mean, my fingers can't even find the right keys!

Nick greets Lisa at home, who's in a great mood because the opening went really well. Nick tells her that the Darling Family Foundation kicked in a million bucks to protect Karen's feelings about the photos, and that honestly occurred to me as a possibility before, but I dismissed it as going too far even for this show. I mean, if I were the twins, who got absolutely castigated for their spending habits, I'd be hella pissed and demanding my trust right now. I know the money's going to charity, but still, not to mention the fact that Nick bends over backwards to protect Karen's feelings a lot more than is appropriate, given everything that's going on. Nick fortifies his strength with a couple shots of vodka (another liquor's in the game, people!) and tells Lisa about the annulment, and then straight-up lies to her, saying it had nothing to do with him. She's still pissed, but he tells her he loves her, and that he's hers. She buys it, and I almost do, but...not quite. Still, they mack.

It is now the next day, which means several varieties of wicked hangovers are going to be in play here. Ellen heads for the door as she tells Patrick she's going shopping, but Patrick stops her with the declaration that his mistress's name is Carmelita, and he loves them both, but he can't give her up. Ellen says they don't have a choice, then, and as she turns, we're meant to think that she's going to ask for a divorce, but she instead says that the three of them are going to have to sit down and set some ground rules. Patrick is impossibly, impossibly dumb as he asks who the three players are, so Ellen has to explain that she means the two of them and Carmelita. "She will not keep us out of Washington. Either one of us. I didn't marry a Darling for nothing." Looks like Mei Ling Hwa is the only Darling spouse with any integrity, but then again, she did marry a priest.

Juliet's dog "Bangles" leads her to a sidewalk café, where Natalie awaits for a prearranged meeting, and the two of them greet each other warmly and gigglingly agree that they're friends again. Just do us all a favor and coordinate hairstyles in advance, okay, kids?

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Dirty Sexy Money

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