Dirty Sexy Money

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Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dirtier Sexier...Money-er?

Juliet's in the bathroom getting ready, which, in addition to putting on makeup, involves downing the entire contents of a prescription bottle and washing it down with diet cola. Good idea -- you don't want to be all gassy at your funeral. It'll scare the attendees.

A stretch limo pulls up somewhere. The driver tries to open the passenger door, but Nick snaps at him to give them a minute. I know it's been a rough day, Nick, but a hero to the downtrodden such as you are should probably be a little nicer to the help. [As I've mentioned, a different, friendlier take was used in the aired version. -- CB 2008] Nick tells Jeremy that he'll talk to Tripp on his behalf, but Jeremy thinks it won't do any good -- Tripp thinks he's a loser, and he's right. "I can't even win a yacht without getting arrested." I think that's my new favorite completely random complaint. I'm going to start saying that to strangers at parties and see just what develops. Jeremy's making origami out of a bill, by the way, as he complains that he has the worst life. Nick lectures him about all the money he has, and loftily informs him that thirty thousand people die of starvation each day. Jeremy: "Yeah, but out of seven billion people..." Hee. This kid is going to make this show, mark my words. Nick goes on in his lecturey way, prompting Jeremy to shake his head with a tinge of sadness and say that he wouldn't understand. He puts the origami on the seat and tells Nick to give it to Kiki and apologizes for making Nick late. Nick asks where he learned to do the origami. Jeremy: "My coke dealer." Thanks for saving me the trouble, kid.

Inside, Jeremy (dude, I love you already, but I'm betting you are ripe in that same outfit) sees a passing waiter with a tray of champagne and takes the opportunity to two-fist just as some young moppets in tutus apparently have finished their ballet routine in the dining room. Jeremy passes them on his way into the room, which is housing an enormous long table. He sits down next to his mother, who stage-whispers at him to put on something nice, prompting him to counter that the shirt he's wearing cost a thousand dollars. Yes, I believe that's her point. Nick settles in next to his wife and apologizes for his tardiness, and then Letitia finally gives her a name as she tells Lisa (I seem to recall she was called "Vicki" in the original pilot, but I could have been hallucinating, and it's not like anyone cares) how she was just going to mention how Nick came to Karen's birthday party at their lake house upstate when he was eight or nine, and Tripp had Doug Henning flown in from Vegas. Letitia, very fondly, recalls how when it came time to leave, Nick was nowhere to be seen, and it took them two hours before they finally found him in the wine cellar crying, as he didn't want to go home. I find it hard to believe that the Darlings' wine cellar is ever left undisturbed for two hours at a time, but it's a touching story regardless. Letitia's delivery gets halting as she says that "Dutch" was so good with him that night, the way he carried Nick to the car. She pauses, and Tripp takes her hand and softly tells her it's okay, but he blurts out that it isn't; they don't know anyone today who could have raised a son like Dutch did, and all alone too. "I swear, sometimes it seems the whole cosmos is in a state of decay." Nick, interestingly, looks discomfited and even a little angry as Tripp says it's still tough around there, but Jeremy again provides the comic relief as he puts an arm around his mother and tells us it's true what Letitia said about the cosmos. "Space is frickin'...coming apart. True story." Tripp takes notice of Jeremy for the first time and is like, "What?" Jeremy sheepishly doesn't respond. Hee. [Again, completely reshot, the major difference being a softening of Nick's attitude. -- CB 2008]

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Dirty Sexy Money

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