Dirty Sexy Money

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Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dirtier Sexier...Money-er?

All right. Attune. Nick, who's quite the flurry of activity given that he got woken up in the dead of night, hands off his cell and asks his assistant to program in the family's phone numbers. [Remember that sweet office that Nick was incongruously in for one scene in the aired version? That's where he was the whole time in this one -- that hole-in-the-wall do-gooder office didn't exist. -- CB 2008] If there were a setting to send them straight to voice mail, he'd probably be telling her to be sure to use it. He adds that she shouldn't let her forget that he's picking up "Kiki" after school, which I can only guess means there's going to be one sad little blonde moppet this afternoon on one end of a lonely seesaw. Nick enters his office and turns to close the doors as he apologizes for being late...

...and then inside, he's telling Karen and Freddy that he got trapped on a phone call with Brian. Not a believable excuse for significant tardiness; we may not be clear on every dynamic of this show at Minute Sixteen of the pilot, but I think it's pretty easy to figure that both Brian and Nick will want to keep their phone conversations as short as possible. Karen asks what it was about, and Nick tells her that he wanted his help getting "some person or his kid into the...Maple Grove Academy? Not my job." Dude, the poor people of Nottingham are getting eight figures for you to be the Darlings' legal lap dog. Suck it up. Karen pauses for a moment with a beatific smile on her face, and then turns to Freddy and informs him, "Nick deflowered me." Nice delivery there, but it's really Freddy's slightly halting response of "Really? That's great" that sells it. Karen's all, what? It's true! Nick patiently asks if she has a check for him, and she forks it over, saying it's for ten million, "from the Darling Family Foundation to do all kinds of good with." Such as eradicating prepositions from the ends of sentences. Nick says he's going to use one of the ten immediately to save a playground for some orphans, and Karen's basically like, "Orphans! I've heard of those!" She then continues TMI-ing poor Freddy, saying Nick used to read her poetry, and then says to Nick, "I always thought we'd be married, didn't you?" She goes on that instead, she's married three other people, and indicates Freddy as she adds, "Gonna be four," so we now know they're actually engaged. Which may soon be irrelevant, as given the way Freddy's chewing the inside of his cheek, he's fantasizing about bashing her skull in. I'd use the three-wood, my man. After a well-timed pause, Nick says he has their pre-nups ready to sign, an announcement Karen greets with relish even as she sing-songs, "This is so exciting!" Hee. Freddy manages a smile as tiny as it is humorless...

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Dirty Sexy Money

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