Dirty Sexy Money

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Couch Baron: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dirtier Sexier...Money-er?

...and then Nick is walking them out. Karen stops to ask if Nick is going to her parents' anniversary party that night, and Nick responds that he will, with Lisa, his wife, as Freddy rolls his eyes and circles around to grab Karen's hand and drag her away. The assistant then needlessly asks if Karen's still in love with him, and he, still staring after he, replies, "She's in love with everybody." Excellent quality in the betrothed. The assistant then hands back the phone, which she says is all armed and ready. On cue, the phone rings to the tune of "Hallelujah" (the chorus hymn, not the Leonard Cohen song), and Nick snerks, "Nice," before revealing that it's Brian. Hee. Give that assistant a raise. Nick says he told Brian, he's not going to the Maple Grove Academy...

...which is of course our next stop, as Brian, in cleric's clothing, is fingering his crucifix even as he tries to bribe the headmaster (I assume) with twenty grand. Hee. Brian soon doubles the offer, which matches his mounting ire, so I suppose that's neat, at least. Meanwhile, the headmaster is sporting a hairdo that looks like a beaver expired on top of his head, and it's true he's wearing a large eye patch over his right eye, but his left one has no excuse. He wearily tells Brian that Maple Grove's endowment is very large, and that he can't let the kid in question in, as it's "an academic institution, not an auction house." I'm going to skip right over that line, because I'm on deadline and can't afford to laugh for six hours here. Brian loudly threatens to have someone come in and beat the guy up, and it's nice to know for all his bluster, he's not confident that he could take this short, aging headmaster even from his blind side. Nick then enters, so Brian introduces him and warns the headmaster that if he doesn't cooperate, he'll find his tires slashed, or something. God, dude. At least throw in keying his car while you're there. Brian makes to leave, and when Nick asks where he's going, he responds, "I have to go do a baptism." Okay, but calm down before you do. I mean, I'm no religious expert, but getting baptized in anger seems like it would be portentous, and not in a good way. When Brian's gone, the headmaster informs Nick that while normally, they'd take a Darling for free, as long as Brian refuses to claim the boy legally as his son, he won't be admitted. Nick's shocked that the kid is Brian's, as if performing acts of altruism on behalf of random kids fits with what we've seen of Brian's personality. Nick's phone rings again, this time to Gwen Stefani's "The Sweet Escape"...

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Dirty Sexy Money

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