Tripp tells Nick that he feels compelled to help Nick investigate Simon Elder on the sly, but Nick wants to go to the police, partially because he still doesn't trust Tripp, which isn't lost on the old man. The next time Tripp sees Nick, he tells him how Dutch saved his life twice, and that he could never have wanted him dead -- and moreover, as we all suspected, he actually didn't know about the affair while it was going on. The police aren't any help, and what's more, the detective who first investigated the plane crash has been mysteriously transferred. All of this causes Nick to reconsider Tripp's offer to aid his investigation into Elder. "Rebecca Colfax, Family Publicist" (I will not be getting tired of that running joke any time soon) is waiting for Nick when he gets into the office, and plays him a tape from someone with a dreadful Australian accent who claims to have a sex tape of one of the Darlings, and wants a million bucks to keep quiet. Nick asks Patrick if he could be the sex-tape person, but he denies it. Nick then interviews the rest of the kids; he finds out some amusing tidbits, but no real evidence. Rebecca gets a copy of the video from the blackmailer, and when she shows it to Nick, we find it was actually Karen and...Freddy's caddy. Nick goes to some private family vault to get the money to pay off the blackmailer; it's got TONS of money and gold in it, and there apparently are many like it around the city. They should be able to spare a couple of those, don't you think? Nick brings the money to the rendezvous, but some emissary from the ransomers arrives to tell him that they got a much better unsolicited offer. Instead of the tape popping up on the internet, however, it's returned to Nick, along with copyright assurances, compliments of...Simon Elder, whose representative tells Nick that Elder isn't who he thinks he is, and neither is Tripp. Brian's wife has figured out that Brian Jr. speaks English, and Brian feigns chagrin, and "confronts" the kid, much to his confusion. His wife doesn't look like she's ready to let it go, though. Not sure how Brian's going to handle this one, but it'll be hilarious to watch. On TV, Patrick asserts that he's never committed adultery. He remains under fire in the press, though, so Tripp calls him in for a confab and tells him to dump Carmelita for the sake of the campaign. She's not thrilled, but at least she doesn't cause a scene, which is more than I can say for some people in this episode. Patrick is pretty upset, though, and gets hammered before his launch party, and ends up running his car into a hydrant, forcing Nick to go retrieve him. On the way, Patrick waxes romantic about Dutch's memory, which maybe has an effect on Nick. When Pat gets to the party, he's completely recovered and gives a well-received and -- more surprisingly, given all the shots -- coherent speech. In the end, Patrick gets back together with Carmelita, rather touchingly. Juliet tries to give the press sunshine and light about Natalie, but we sense that's unlikely to last, given that Natalie and Jeremy are full-on screwing, and throwing in bondage and bad puns on top of it. Juliet is aware that something is going on, but she doesn't completely figure it out at first. The family converges on the launch party, and when Natalie turns up and preens to the press about how Juliet owes her an apology, Juliet is fit to be tied, and they eventually have a literal knock-down drag-out on the red carpet. Jeremy takes Juliet's side in public, and they have a nice bonding session; however, Jeremy doesn't confess his physical involvement with Natalie, and keeps on seeing her. But Letitia unwittingly busts Jeremy to Juliet, so we'll presumably see what twin-revenge looks like soon enough.
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I haven't said much about the establishing shots, mostly because it annoys me when shows insist on reminding us of their location before, like, every scene. However, our starting view of the Manhattan skyline right before the setting sun dips below the horizon is breathtaking. A few less dazzling shots lead us to the George home, where Nick is putting carrots into Kiki's lunch, because while he may only have time for Pop-Tarts in the morning, nothing's too good for his little girl. If he's late because of this, I just hope he doesn't unfairly malign the subway again. Kiki complains that carrots taste like toenails, and Nick asks how she knows what toenails taste like, which is a good question in that it's unlikely she does, and a bad one in that I don't actually want to hear her answer. The subject turns to the fact that Patrick is on TV, and Nick tells Kiki that he's running for the U.S. Senate. It looks like some morning talk show, and the female host presses Patrick on the point of whether he's ever committed adultery. Patrick (wearing a red, white, and blue apron, which is pretty hilarious) says that he's been completely faithful to his wife and wants to set a "fine moral example" for his children and all the people of New York. Lisa and Nick exchange "Mm-hmm" side-eyes, which is nice of them, because it saves me some work. Lisa notes that Patrick is really running, which means Tripp got his way. Nick: "He usually does." Kiki precociously pipes up that she thinks Pat will make a great senator, and at that, Nick tells her to go get ready for school. I see we share an equal level of tolerance for cutesiness from child actors. When she's gone, Lisa wonders if going to the police and accusing Elder (whom she calls "the richest man in the world," but I'm not sure if she's taking some license here) is really the smartest thing to do with the lack of evidence in his possession. She goes on that he could ask Tripp for help, and if Lisa "Darlings, PTOOIE!" George is advocating for that position, it might behoove you to listen, Nick. Nick, however, isn't sure he trusts Tripp...
...which we'll soon see, as Nick pops outside as the Darlings' Rolls Royce pulls up. Nick jokes with the driver, Clark, that this is a ploy on Tripp's part to get him to accept the ride to work, but the tinted back window rolls down, and we see a disheveled (for him) Tripp tell "Nicky" to hop in...
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