I would watch a spinoff about the Crime-Frighting Victorian Lady Lizard and her Faithful Maid. I would watch the hell out of it. You hear me, Steven Moffat? It would be gold.

Next stop: a decimated battlefield in the Battle of Zaruthstra, 4037. Not to be confused with the Battle of Zarathustra, which had cooler music. Except for the laser guns, everything looks like it's from the 1700s. A man in a woolen coat, knee breeches and boots dodges laser fire and ducks into a tent. "Damn it! Where's the nurse?" he shouts. "He needs help," a woman says, indicating a little boy lying in a cot. "Madame President, I'm sorry but we have to go now," the man says. "Those things could be here any second now." Right on cue, a Sontaran in blue armor marches into the tent. He removes his mask, revealing the fearsome visage of his neckless potato head. Then, in a very prim and polite voice, he asks, "Did someone call for a nurse?"

The Sontaran uses a glowing wand to scan the boy. "Will I be OK?" the boy asks. "Of course you will, my boy, you'll be up and around in no time!" says the nurse. "And perhaps you and I shall meet on the field of battle and I shall destroy you for the glory of the Sontaran empire!" He's so cheerful. Nobody seems especially disturbed at the prospect of someday dying at his hands. Maybe they don't believe him. The man in knee breeches follows the Sontaran out of the tent, calling him Commander Strax. He's never heard of a Sontaran nurse before. Strax explains that it's part of a penance he's serving, to "restore the honor of [his] clone batch." Helping the sick and the weak is the worst punishment he can possibly endure. Just as the human asks who came up with such a punishment, the TARDIS materializes. Strax thinks this means his penance may soon be over. He promises the man to someday kill him in battle, they exchange respectful half-bows and off Strax goes.