Doctor Who
Aliens Of London (1)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C- | 1 USERS: A-
Did Gyre And Gimble In The Suck

Credits. This one's a Davies creation.

Down in the yard, a small boy sprays the words BAD WOLF onto the side of the TARDIS and then rides off on his bike, while upstairs, Jackie is hitting the five stages of grief in reverse and has just arrived at Anger: "The hours I've sat here. Days and weeks and months all on my own -- I thought you were dead! And where were you? Travelling. What the hell does that mean, 'travelling'? That's no sort of answer!" Rose draws in on herself in an armchair as a policeman watches this freakout go down. The policemen apparently wear crossing-guard vests sometimes, in that attractive glowing nuclear fluorescent green that screams "Safety! Is A Priority! Over Aesthetics!" Jackie yells at the policeman to get more and better info out of Rose, but Rose is just like, "That's the whole answer." I think Jackie deserves a better answer, but I think she should have gotten it before the cops showed up, because now it's fucked. Although after a year of crying "murder," I guess you can't just say you found her under the carseat and everybody can just go home.

Jackie screams that Rose is clearly lying about her travels, because her passport's still where she left it, and Rose lamely tells her she "meant to phone," but just forgot. For someone so skilled in the art of self-deception (See "I love my boyfriend Mickey" or "This too is an elaborate joke"), Rose is certainly a shit liar. Jackie and her mind-blowing cameltoe reiterate that they still don't believe Rose about any of this, and she demands to know why Rose won't come clean about what really happened. The Doctor, helpfully, tries to "explain" that it's his fault, because he's "employed" Rose as his "Companion." Policeman thinks he means the Firefly kind, and Rose and the Doctor both kind of loudly exclaim at that, which is cute. Jackie, however, is not so easily distracted. Her hands ball up into fists: "Then what is it? Because you, you waltz in here all charms and smiles, and the next thing I know, she vanishes off the face of the Earth! How old are you then, forty? Forty-five? What, you find her on the internet? Did you go online and pretend you're a doctor?" I like how when the chips are down and there's a easy answer, the Doctor can be relied upon to say the most useless possible thing, and with a cute giant grin on it: "I am a Doctor!" Jackie dares him to prove it: "Stitch this, mate," she yells, all hooligan, and smacks him in the face. He groans, and Rose rolls her eyes and bites her lip, because either Jackie or the Doctor is tough to manage, but both of them being pointless and obstructionist at the same time? Fantastic.

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