Doctor Who
Aliens Of London (1)

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C- | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Did Gyre And Gimble In The Suck

Jackie holds Rose in the kitchen, asking if Rose even thought about her at all. They're both crying. Rose steps back and protests that she did, the whole time, but Jackie's still bitching: "One phone call. Just to know that you were alive!" I get that Jackie's giving her shit about it, and I get that Jackie was freaked out, and I get that it was a year, and those things are the point of the scene, but...Jackie doesn't really seem to be so stupid that she'd keep going there so repetitively. I mean, she's not that stupid in that way. Like it just feels like the beat sheet was like, "Living Room: Jackie bitches, Rose apologizes but explains nothing. Kitchen: Jackie bitches, Rose apologizes but explains nothing. Exterior: Jackie bitches, Rose apologizes but explains nothing," and there wasn't a whole lot sketched in after the fact. Rose apologizes but explains nothing. Jackie is wearing pink metal heart hearings and a pink scrunchie, and she's very...pink: "Do you know what terrifies me, is that you still can't say. What happened to you, Rose? What could be so bad that you can't tell me, sweetheart? Where were you?" Rose apologizes, but explains nothing. Why.

Commercial Break #1. Rose and the Doctor are now hanging out on the roof of the flats, looking very cheap and fakely green-screened in. Which will make sense momentarily, but was really distracting on the first run-through. Rose is sitting on a low wall, the Doctor leaning against it, and their body language is very intimate and best-friendy. Rose reiterates that, for some reason, she can't tell Jackie the truth, and for that she will never be forgiven. She then asks if the year of her life that the Doctor seems to have misplaced was a good one. "Middling," says he. So maybe she skipped 2004 and we're just coming current-to-broadcast now? Because from where I'm standing, 2005 was bullshit. ["Yeah. It was no 1999." -- Wing Chun] Rose says that the Doctor's useless, and he basically implies that if it's such a fucking hassle, she may be threatening to stay there permanently. "I can't do that to her again," Rose breathes, but like: get a better driver, and you won't. Is the TARDIS just faulty, history buffs? Is this just something we've all come to expect? "Well, she's not coming with us," the Doctor blurts, and they laugh. The Doctor says he doesn't "do" families, and Rose is mind-blown that Jackie smacked him. "Nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother," the Doctor whuffs, and she calls him a fag (the good kind). She sequential-processes the 900-Year Old Virgin part of the conversation they just had, and breathes, "My mum was right -- that is one hell of an age gap." So she's at least thought about it. I feel you, girl. The Doctor looks away, all "Whoa" to the implication, and Rose pops down off the wall: "Every conversation with you just goes mental! There's no one else I can talk to!" See, I told you she hated Mickey. (P.S. She doesn't hate Mickey.) "I've seen all that stuff up there, the size of it, and I can't say a word! Aliens, and spaceships and fings, and I'm the only person on planet Earth who knows they exist." So of course, that's all it takes for a giant spaceship to come out of nowhere, cutting low over London and smashing into Big Ben (Boooong!) before splashdown in the Thames.

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