Into a white, sterile room, where blurry robot faces and voices slowly clear up. This is What Not To Wear, the British (i.e. acceptable) version. There's a Susannah Constantine robot called "Zu-Zana" and a Trinny Woodall robot called "Trin-E." If you need extra time to figure that one out, let me know. Bah, it's all in good fun, I shouldn't complain. They discuss how they've got their work cut out for them, though Jack (for it's Jack they'll be dressing) is "sort of handsome" and has a "good lantern jaw." I confess that when I first saw this part of this episode, I had no idea what this was supposed to represent, but I figured that, since it was Jack, it really didn't necessitate worrying about. "Lantern jaws are so last year," Trin-E responds. Jack introduces himself to the ladies and tries to figure out what's going on. They tell him that he's getting a "brand-new image," and his look of dismay and alarm at this is hilarious. Zu-Zana criticizes Jack's clothes: "It's all very twentieth century.... Where did you get that denim?" He says that it was a little place in Cardiff called the "Top Shop." I'm not here to tell you how to live your life, but: Cute. And creative. Zu-Zana calls his look a "design classic" -- he's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt -- but Trin-E leans more toward "Oklahoma Farm Boy." John Barrowman is so great, just a really complex actor, but, for a second, I wanna see what the Jack in Davies' head looks like. Like how Ron Moore always mispronounces "Kara," or my intuition that Mickey looked very different in the planning stages, I want see how Jack looked before Barrowman came on board. Jack gets all akimbo at them, and the ladies tell him to stand still for the "Defabricator," which Jack questions but quickly learns does "exactly what it says on the [box or can] tin." That means Jack is naked, which is a-okay with him and everybody else in the entire world. "Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?" Jack asks. Absolutely. He looks down at himself: "Ladies, your viewing figures just went up."
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: A | 1097 USERS: B-
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