Jack stands flexing in the mirror, wearing black leather trousers and a white vest. It's a look, I guess. If it was just this for an hour a week, Captain Jack could be wearing the Synergy uniforms from Embassy Suites and I'd still watch that show. Trying On Clothing With Captain Jack Harkness. Trin-E calls it the "buccaneer look": "dash of pirate" with "a tweak of President Schwarzenegger." Those kind of jokes are not funny! Jack suggests some color into the mix, but Zu-Zana chides that block with color "makes the colour look cheap and the black look boring." (The "U" is for "unusual and archaic spelling"!) He points to a jacket he likes, and Zu-zana says that it's a bit too "Hell's Angel," and points out that a shorter jacket will "show off the bum." Which she then smacks. I don't know what's going on here. Somebody wrote this down on a piece of paper and then a crew of people made it happen, and now I'm getting paid to watch it happen and tell you about it. Captain Jack Harkness Getting Naked And Spanked By Robots. Every week, dude. This Torchwood thing just got a lot more interesting. Trin-E asks Jack whether he's ever thought about cosmetic surgery, and he admits to considering an eyelift and maybe some jawline work, and as he does this he cops a feel of the robot's breasts. For real. These robots are like those Lego people -- they are not sophisticated, they are not fooling anybody. Jack is a freak. "Oh, let's have a bit more ambition," says Trin-E, and removes her forearm to reveal a chainsaw. "Let's do something...cutting edge." In other news, everybody's viewing figures just plummeted. Not Touching A Damn Hair On Captain Jack Harkness's Beautiful Face.
"So, Rose," says the Anne Droid. "What do you actually do?" Rose giggles and moues and cocks her head and gives a relaxed rundown: "I just travel about a bit. Bit of a tourist, I suppose." Rodrick's holding up a card that says "Fitch" for the Weakest Link, and Anne corrects Rose: "Another way of saying 'unemployed.'" Rose protests, but admits that she doesn't have a job job. "Then you are unemployed," Anne says "And yet, you've still got enough money to buy peroxide." Child abuse humor aside, I think Anne Robinson is a very sharp, very interesting lady. Did you see that road trip doc she made with her daughter? I felt like her very best friend after that. I like her. Anne asks why Rose chose Fitch, and Rose stammers that it's because Fitch got a few questions wrong. On the side, there are tears coming down poor Fitch's face. "Oh, you'd know all about that," Anne says harshly, even for a robot, and Rose shrugs that she can't vote for herself, so it had to be Fitch. Fitch sobs, and Rose starts getting weirded out. It's confusing. She turns to the mess of Fitch and apologizes: "That's the game, that's how it works. I had to vote for someone." There's a whole nerve cluster here about this Twilight Zone or something I saw a long time ago with Mare Winningham where she got a magic box and every time you pressed the button you got some sum of money, but something terrible would happen to somebody you didn't know. I remain a steadfast capitalist, but that story still gives me pause.