Ambrose like immediately tortures Alaya to death, because she has bad ethics. This causes Tony to come down on her like a ton of bricks, because he's her dad and thus has stronger ethics. Downstairs, Alaya's twin sister is even more of a bitch than she is, and ties up the diplomacy party -- Nasreen, Amy, the Doctor and Ambrose's annoying husband -- because she has bad ethics. This causes the Silurian doctor -- who last week dissected somebody while they were awake, for no reason -- to wake up some sleeping dignitary, who comes down on Alaya's twin sister like a ton of bricks, because he's an old man and thus has stronger ethics. Meanwhile, the Doctor decides that he adores the Silurian doctor for not killing the freaky little boy, even though last week, as noted, the Silurian doctor dissected the kid's dad while he was still awake, for no reason.
Lest you think the Doctor's ethics have suffered, however, rest assured that he spends at least five separate scenes hammering it into Ambrose's head what a disgusting, worthless, pointless, wretched, nasty embarrassment of a human being she is... And how amazing her son is going to be, thanks to her illustration of what not to do. (I guess we should just be glad that the Alaya sisters don't also have some sons we could put our Jesus-y faith in.)
Just when you were starting to think this disingenuous Israel screed would come off without a hitch, Nasreen, Amy and the old man have a token diplomacy session and realize that sharing is caring or something, decide not to give the lizards the Gaza Strip, it doesn't really matter because it's just a filler convo until the next awful thing happens. Twin sister she rouses an entire bitch militia for some kind of civil war, but they gas them all to sleep for a thousand years because of their stronger ethics. Nasreen decides to stay with Tony, so they can both sleep for a thousand years and wake up with Tony cured of the green taint and Nasreen having literally blown up her life's work so she can have a boyfriend.
The only person still around is the twin sister, who crawls through the whole city using only the power of her bitchiness, and kills Rory for no reason other than the fact that we haven't killed Rory in a while. Then the Crack appears, and the Doctor sticks his hand in there and wiggles it around for some reason, and then instead of all of us forgetting the Doctor's hand ever existed -- would that we could! -- he brings out a mysterious parcel. Then, the Crack eats Rory, and for some poorly explained bullshitty reason Amy forgets he ever existed, in addition to some new thing where if she just tries really hard she can remember him and he'll still exist, or some shit. And the mysterious object? A piece of the TARDIS, which will apparently be exploding on Amy's wedding day, which should be interesting considering her fiancé never existed in the first place... Which is apparently now Amy's fault.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
"This is the story of our planet, Earth. Of the day 1000 years past, when we came to share it with a race known as Humanity. It is the story of the Doctor who helped our races find common ground and the terrible losses he suffered. It is the story of our past, and must never be forgotten." This, from some kind of lofty future Elvenhame-type voice of a guy we'll meet in a bit, sounds great. What it means is a certain sort of framing procedure that makes all of this crap about to happen even more important. It's something RTD would do, but he would make it count: This just seems desperate. Not to mention the implied coda "...As long as no irate Jews or irrational bitches show up to ruin everything like usual."
Nasreen and the Doctor prowl the underground Silurian city, looking for Amy's warm-blooded heat anomalies; it's deserted because everybody's still asleep except the woman warriors that always cause such trouble. "Front door approach! Definitely, always the best way," the good Doctor says, right before the alarms start going off. "...Apart from the backdoor approach, that's also good. Sometimes better." That reminds me of a filthy Sarah Silverman joke I've always loved and will not be reproducing here. The soldiers come upon them after a bit of running around, and the Doctor throws up his hands, desperately trying to tell them he's cool and Nasreen's cool and everything's cool. Which would be fine, except he's gotten gasped and captured by the one segment of the one race with no redeeming characteristics whatsoever. Attend:
Green doctor-man approaching Amy with some slicing implements and tricorder-type machinery, noting that from her Rio-appropriate clothing, she seems more resistant to cold than Mo strapped in beside her. They shoot waves of science at Amy, killing her topside bacteria or whatever, so he can start dissecting, i.e. vivisecting. (Which we learned last week, also from being alive, is a shitty thing to do -- but won't stop the Doctor from tongue-kissing this doctor-lizard later, for reasons that still escape me.) An alarm reaches the lab, asking him to come identify the Doctor and Nasreen in scientific terms, but first Amy picks his pocket of a scientific device that will of course set her and Mo free.
"You never picked a lizard man's pocket?" she giggles at Mo, who is shocked at her Mary Sue powers as people often are before they realize she's just a walking mouth full of nothing cool. They take off down the corridors, Mo wondering if that thing was an alien, will they come back, et cetera. Amy has no idea, but she knows they need to find the Doctor and get some explanations. Down one hallway, they find Elliot in a freaky space tube, unconscious and staring, with wires and tubes and the like coming out of him. (Chilling, but especially after Torchwood.)
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