Doctor Who
Cold Blood

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 5 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Next Year In Jerusalem

(Which is, I guess, analogous to the Doctor telling everybody to shut up all the time, and it's occurred to me lately maybe this is a transatlantic problem I'm having, and maybe all this rudeness is just that natural British way of expressing oneself that strikes American ears as incredibly coarse and childish. Nine times out of ten, if the American has any social clue at all, Brits come off about as polite and sensitive as Gregory House. Not really a question of quality or character, or an indictment either way -- because really, Americans are just ruder in general -- just a comparison to the way we speak to our families, versus a boss or a friends: A mode not of intent or malice, but simply of tone and word choice.)

Everybody says hi to everybody else, and Restac immediately demands to see her sister. As the Doctor figures out there's a problem, and tells Ambrose to let the men handle it, and Ambrose gets right up in there and yells at Restac to go fuck herself, for no real reason except I guess guilt or something. She cuts off all negotiation and simply demands her family back, and of course Restac responds by ordering Amy's execution. There's some kind of standoff for some reason, even though nothing is really stopping the soldiers from shooting her ass, but I guess everybody yelling is enough reason not to open fire, but instead stand around in your bone faces awkwardly not shooting the gun you've got pointed at the person you've just been ordered to shoot, for about a million years.

Luckily, Daddy comes home right then. Science Guy went and woke him up the second Restac told him to suck it, so he put on his finest dress and came on out to yell at her in an annoyed patrician tone. His name is Eldane, and he is in charge of you. "You're our protector, not our commander," he says, accusing her of starting a war while everybody's asleep. She claims not to recognize his authority "at this time," and he suggests she shoot him. Which I guess is the right thing to do, assuming all other things are equal. Because that always works out. Restac yells at Science for undermining her, and he says for no reason, "We're not monsters, and neither are they."

Which is such bullshit, because you're more of a monster than either of those awful sisters, because you are a torturer and medical experimenter, but we've forgotten all that in favor of a rising soundtrack and the dulcet tones of a woman being put in her place. "What is it about apes you love so much?" Cutting them up while they're still alive and screaming, mainly. He promises her that the humans have evolved, over the centuries, and she points out they've also polluted the planet. Then Eldane literally goes, "Shush now, Restac. Go and play soldiers. I'll let you know if I need you." I would totally have shot him just for being a dink. Look, I'm not trying to win a feminist award or anything: I'm just mentioning it every time it happens. It just so happens that it happens about three times in every scene, which results in me bringing it up a whole fucking lot.

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