"Who exactly are you?" asks van Statten, and the Doctor -- not feeling so friendly now that he's seen the way van Statten rolls -- answers simply:"I'm the Doctor. And who are you?" Van Statten scoffs: "We're hidden away with the most valuable collection of extra-terrestrial artifacts in the world, and you just stumbled in by mistake?" The Doctor's like, "Pretty much." Van Statten wonders how they got in -- "with your little cat burglar accomplice" -- and compliments the Doctor on collecting such a lovely specimen. Yuck. I would also like to state for the record that Billie Piper, a lovely girl on her worst possible day, looks as close to a homeless person in this episode as it's possible for her to look. No idea why that's the case, but from the moment they step out of the TARDIS it's like she woke up in a garbage bin. Rose threatens to smack van Statten if he keeps talking about her like she's not there, so he keeps doing it, still staring at the Doctor: "She's English, too! Hey, Little Lord Fauntleroy, got you a girlfriend!" Yuck. Adam introduces them to Mr. Henry van Statten, and Rose gets all Powell Estates: "And 'oo's 'e when 'e's at 'ome?" Adam tells them that van Statten owns the internet. Absurd, but funny. Rose scoffs, and van Statten's like, "Exactly, and let's keep everybody thinking that I don't." The Doctor gets a little anvilicious, all of a sudden, even though things were going fine: "So you're an expert on just about everything -- except the things in your museum. Anything you don't understand, you lock up." Van Statten, instead of calling him a fucking wanker, asks whether the Doctor's claiming superiority. "I don't need to make claims," says the Doctor. "I know how good I am." But, van Statten points out, he got captured: "Right next to the Cage." And by the way, what were they doing down there? The Doctor's like, "Whatever. You tell me." They are kind of getting gay with each other like this during the entire episode. The Doctor's all, "Show me your specimen," and van Statten's like, "You wanna see it?," and Rose is like, "Enough already with the boys kissing business," and van Statten wants to bring them down to the Cage to see the specimen. Only Rose isn't invited, because this is actually a boys-only make-out party. Van Stratten: "You, English: look after the girl. Canoodle, or spoon, or whatever it is you British do. And you, Doctor with no name...come and see my pet."
Episode Report CardJacob Clifton: B+ | 508 USERS: B-
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