Doctor Who

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 9 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Eyes Wide Shut

And the Crack? The Crack is calmed down for a bit, but "The explosion that caused it is still happening, somewhere out there. Somewhere in time." When is an answer not an answer? When it's presented with a bunch of hocus-pocus, that's when. They wait around for River's pickup back to jail, hoping she has earned her pardon, but it's all sort of sour or at least bittersweet because we know how she dies, and that's weird. Also, she goes, "You, me, handcuffs: Must it always end this way?" I don't know why that's funny, because she does have cuffs at the Library, but she dies in the Library, so I don't really understand." Who was the dude she killed? Why not just tell him? Because it's mysterious!

"A very good man. The best man I've ever known. It's a long story. Doctor. Can't be told, it has to be lived. No sneak previews. Well... Except for this one. You'll see me again, quite soon. When the Pandorica opens." He laughs in her face and says it's a fairytale, but she goes, "Oh, Doctor. Aren't we all?" If I have to hear about how this season is a fairytale one more goddamn time I will go bonkers. We get it! You did not invent the concept! Everybody says goodbye and the Doctor asks him if he can trust her, and just for old smug times' sake she goes, "If you like. But where's the fun in that?" She is so quippy for somebody without an actual personality.

The Doctor acts all moody and thinks about how time can be rewritten, here are my cheekbones, things of this nature, maybe thinking about her death when he says that bit, but with a smile so who knows, and Amy says she wants to go home, and he sadly agrees because this one was so Amy-endangering, but she says she just wants to show him something. Specifically, that she's running from her future the same way the Doctor is running from River, whatever that means. They hang out in her bedroom in that magical old house that time forgot, and the Doctor stares at her wedding dress and asks her what the hell she's doing without her ring: "Why did I leave my engagement ring when I ran away with a strange man the night before my wedding? You really are an alien, aren't you?"

I guess I'm an alien too because that makes a certain amount of sense but is also dreadful. I kind of love how she tests him at this point, like, "Oh no, I'm crazy as shit. You were not wrong to think that. Check out my wedding gown." There's a gleeful pride in having blown the Doctor's mind. He hopes she's going to marry Hot Jeff, because wouldn't you, but it's actually Rory, so that's... Awesome. I can't wait for him to do some heroic shit or die horribly, either way we're getting a big fucking speech about it, to convince us all that Rory is/was super great and then ten years from now he can be the argued thing on everybody's lists of their favorite Companions and blah blah blah. Hey fans of the show, here's a guy that looks exactly like you and guess what? He's the best! So then Amy tries to jump the Doctor.

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Doctor Who

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